NU Replaces Tampons in Feminine Hygiene Dispensers With Raw Linguine Noodles
“We also prioritize inclusivity. That’s why we’re going to offer alternative gluten-free linguine, too.”
Category Archives: Articles
Wildcat Geogame Forces Free Pizza on Geography Nerds
“Pizza, on the other hand, is far too vulgar and plebeian a food to satisfy my intellectual desire. “
Area White Guy Dances Exclusively with His Shoulders
This report contradicts earlier statements by Hughes himself that he can “absolutely get it” on the dance floor
New RTVF Major: “It’s Finally Time to Break Out the Beret”
“When I got the email welcoming me into School of Comm, in that very instant, it just hit me. This is it… I can finally break out the beret,” Wayfield stated, fighting back tears.
Student Misses Crucial Point in Lecture While Wondering if Anyone has Ever Truly Cared for Them
“Gosh darn” thought WCAS Junior Alberto Munez, as he realized he hadn’t been paying attention to his psychology professors lecture for the past 10 minutes as he pondered his own lonely, miserable existence.
Student Joins Campus Satirical Newspaper Instead of Seeking Therapy
“I can’t get out of bed in the morning, but you can bet that I’ll have a good time riffing off of that for the Flipside,” said Chen.
Study: Canada Goose Coat Ineffective Against The Cold Within
A case study on McCormick sophomore, Bobby Majewski, revealed shocking results: Canada Goose coats may warm the body, but they are no match for the cold within his soul.
Broken Man Decides He’s Named Seth Now
“Fuck it, I guess my name is Seth now.”
Bobb residents given free posters of newly renovated Welsh-Ryan Arena to cover up patches of mold
“A glossy poster of the $110 million renovated arena makes my chronic cough entirely worth it,” said Bobb resident Jason McKeen.
Plex To Offer Photosynthesis As New “Vegan Option”
The dining hall at Northwestern’s Foster-Walker Complex has delivered once again, this time with a trailblazing vegan option: photosynthesis.