Mysterious âCreature of the Lakefillâ Revealed to be Morty Night-Swimming
âI didnât want to frighten anyone. I just like playing around with the ducks.”
Category Archives: Articles
Dining Hall Now Offers a Slap Across Your Fucking Face With Raw Chicken Breast
The move comes after the new dining service Compass merged with PĂŒnchindafĂ€ce™, a transnational Swedish corporation that fuses gastronomic arts and sadomasochism.
English Major Contemplates Symbolism of Soaked Frat Basement Walls
âIf these walls could talk, I bet theyâd be telling us that itâs okay to cry sometimes.”
Atwood Receives Lukewarm Response at Keynote From Campus Dudes; âSheâd Be Pretty If She Smiled Moreâ
âDonât get me wrong, she sounds like a great writer and all, but she just seemed so serious. Like, lighten up a little, sweetheart!â
Razor Scooter Owner Rides After Dark to Avoid Being Recognized
On the outside, he seems just like everyone else. But on the inside he has a massive, two-wheel secret.
Morty Goes on Secret Tinder Date to the World Series
The two were seen bundled for warmth underneath the romantic lights of a Fenway Park box.
Morty Hoping Heâll Get More than Natty Light While Trick or Treating at Frat Houses
âI am hoping by the end of this I will have enough candy to last until Christmas. Maybe theyâll even throw a few Keystones in there too.”
Mock Trial Stages Mock Execution
The death penalty case arose when Ross approached NUMTâs promotional stand at the Rock and took a brownie before realizing they cost 75 cents. With no cash or venmo, Ross was summarily charged and convicted of theft and thirteen counts of homicide.
US News Editor to Morty: âI Made You Top 10, Now Let My Family Goâ
âPlease, I have delivered on my part. Let me hold my son, Zachariah âZac-Attackâ Zuckerman, again. Let me see my wife, Zora Zelda Zuckerman. I even made you #15 in Best Value Schools, right above the University of Chicago!â
Six Flags Posts Studentsâ Midterm Grades Around Park for Fright Fest
“What really put me over the edge was a scary clown handing me my CHEM 212 grade and saying, âOh no, I guess mommyâs little boy wonât be a doctor after all!ââ