“I don’t know who he thinks he’s impressing. It was sorta funny the first week of class, but now it’s just pathetic,” said concerned classmate John Masters.
“The whole thing really started when she called me a moron. I thought fine, if that’s so funny I’ll just take your boron”, said Mrs. Brantley with a chuckle, who has a dual degree in chemistry and poetry.
In an effort to make STEM fields more relatable, faculty within the Chemistry department set-up a live stream of the Chem-132 final for 2 minutes before Twitch staff were inundated with horrified requests to end the stream. The live feed of students struggling to finish the final quarter of the general chemistry sequence was immediately flagged as graphic/violent content and Northwestern computers have been banned from using all Twitch streaming services.
The police report revealed countless moans of varying pitches and intensities accompanied by loud banging around 9 PM on Tuesday.
Wells proceeded to stop in the middle of an extremely crowded Sheridan and begin crying so vehemently, onlookers thought she might have suddenly started a hyena-like street performance.
Guest columnist Jonathan Swift proposes a simple and effective solution to Chicago winters: student bonfires.
Students were somewhat confused when Holmes revealed the title of the following week’s experiment, ‘Cooking with Lithium.” Confusion grew when the pre-lab assignment proved to be nothing but a shopping list of various cleaning chemicals.
EVANSTON – Following NU Student Affairs’s decision to disassociate with Chabad House due to clashes over university alcohol policy, Northwestern’s Chemistry department has been stripped of accreditation following reports that ethanol was served to minors during a recent lab. Department chair Elizabeth Locke protested the decision, claiming that providing disciples with ethanol has been a “central tenet” of chemistry for centuries. Although Locke does not deny the charges levied against her department, she has attempted to assure administrators and parents
EVANSTON—This Monday, freshmen poured into Norris for the Activities Fair, a time-worn Northwestern tradition in which members of the incoming class sign away their inboxes to listserv upon listserv in exchange for free candy. The entire Class of 2013 was successfully crammed into the student center, effectively causing what administrators called “a fire code nightmare.” Some freshmen, however, decided to turn the close-quarters situation into their advantage. Casually walking past the “Germ”any Disease Association, young freshmen like Jeff Lerman moved