The contractors in charge of the building project were unaware that they were building over this graveyard, a spot where students have been burying their hopes and dreams since the Cold War.
Sources out of Morty’s office report that he has placed the new athletic facility at the top of his list of priorities, right above talking to rich white people who have a lot of money.
“It’s a completely normal thing I do every year, that I should do every year.”
Multiple sources confirmed today that a Sexy Morty Schapiro costume is being sold at The Norris Center Bookstore as part of its Halloween promotion.
Mortyism’s sacred text is a collection of drunk-ass powerful speeches dating way back to the inauguration of Morton Schapiro in historic 2009.
The Flipside thinks the money can be better spent on biweekly Dillo Days for the next two decades, or a few windows in Blomquist Gymnasium, and maybe another fan or two.
Travolta pointed out academic buildings such as “Kierkegaard,” “Luddite,” “Annabel,” and, of course, “Trick Inspector.” The hopeful teenagers walked under “The Ache,” observed the beautifully painted “Rob,” and Instagrammed pictures of Chicago from the grassy “Lank Flank.”
“We’re hoping by next year students will be able to exchange their Mortcoins for Norbucks Bucks and Frontero Dineros.”
Tears were shed as the hero of the day approached the microphone for a speech. Patricia Telles-Irvin was spotted comforting Pat Fitzgerald, softly purring, “There, there. Who needs the Big Ten? You got Maine and that was good!”
While Schapiro failed the definitive Packard-Woller Extraterrestrial Examination, the Tanzer-Pfaff Jewish Ratio found that the name “Schapiro” has the requisite 5:3 proportion of consonants to vowels, denoting a 78% probability of Jewishness.