21 Savage Shotguns Entire Earl Grey Tea
âBlimey mate! You shouldâve seen the look on those copperâs mugs when they budged up to my ID only to see that Iâm bloody British. They were positively gobsmacked, I tell you!”
Op-Ed: I Wonât Watch Captain Marvel Unless Sheâs Smiling The Whole Time
Sure, sheâs a brainwashed, amnesiac alien soldier fighting an intergalactic war, but would it kill her to smile once in a while? The liberals are really pushing their feminist agenda here and itâs making me sick.
Trump Now Has Complete Set of Happy Meal Toys
âI got them all, folks,â the actual president said to raucous cheers from his unpaid Secret Service guards.
Guy at Party Desperately Waiting For Someone to Comment on His Goofy Shirt
âThese people,â he gestured vaguely around the packed basement, âthey just donât appreciate a good graphic tee.â
Elizabeth Warren “Yeets” Onto Your Instagram Feed
Twenty-something social media influencer and cryptic concept filmmaker Brynlee Hodges was truly inspired by Warrenâs yeet.
White Guy in Your Discussion Section Has Been Playing the Devilâs Advocate for a Little Too Long Now
âTyler told us that he was going to argue that men were actually wronged by society â like, just for the sake of discussion. Then he started really overusing the word âactually.â”
Op-Ed: No One has Used the Garage to Make an Iron Man Suit Yet and Thatâs Why Weâre Only #10
Theyâve only managed to make coffee related businesses, because college students were having problems getting coffee somehow.
Study: 17% of students choose not to drink due to mysterious past
BASICS also disclosed 87% of people who Juul will tell you about it immediately.
Post Malone Ascends Beyond This Plane of Existence After Showering For The First Time
âI never thought this would happen, dude,â lamented Burt McDover, who looked after Post Maloneâs head lice. âPosty said he just wanted to try taking a quick shower because all his buddies did it every day. Itâs the newest trend, you know?”
White Guy Mixes Up Basketball Players and Rappers Again
Studies show that this is the 7000thinstance in 2019 of a white man speaking on a topic with irrational confidence despite having little to no knowledge of said topic.