Op-Ed: I’m Going to Live Forever. So Far, So Good.
After the insane number of Zoom lectures that I attended during Covid, I should have died of boredom long ago, but I haven’t.
Author Archives: Flippy
Will Smith Announces It Was ACTUALLY the Gemini Man Who Slapped Chris Rock
“That Gemini Man’s been after my skin ever since we finished filming, but I never would have thought he’d hit Chris Rock while I was practicing my acceptance speech in the bathroom mirror,” Smith said.
Gunna Announces Kidney Stone Diagnosis, to Take Hiatus from Pushing Pee
“I can’t do this pushin’ P shit anymore, man,” the “Lemonade” rapper lamented through tears via Instagram Live earlier this morning. “All I can get out is blood and little rocks, and the whole time it burns like hell – this ain’t P, dude. Like, literally. Look at this. Does that look like P to you?.”
Northwestern To Cancel Aggressive COVID Countermeasures, Will Instead Impose Economic Sanctions
Figora and Northwestern are not afraid to stand down in the face of danger
Op-Ed: Just Asked My Landlord to Increase My Rent. That’s How Much I Believe in My Grind
Each month, I will use my superb shut-up-and-grind capabilities to find different means of making up the extra rent. By July, I will have acquired thousands of new skills and g-g-g-g-god-like entrepreneurial savvy, the likes of which no Kellogg professor has ever encountered.
Michael BublĂ© to drop ten-minute version of “Santa Baby”
Bublé bares all with fans, expressing wishes like “a multi-seasonal career”.
Former Willie The Wildcat Student Mascot Reflects On Days In The Fur: ‘The Tail Plug Always Started To Chafe By Halftime’
“Turns out a Wildcat win can bring extreme pleasure in more ways than one,” Nal reflected.
Desperate Black Friday Shoppers Pry Clothes from Sweatshop Children’s Small Little Fingers
69 sweatshop workers, of which 68 were lazy, slacking children, were reportedly trampled, maimed, or otherwise injured during the event.
8 Neutral Things to Say Around Your Significant Other’s Conservative Parents That Will Still Get You Invited on the Yacht
“Poor people should get money…………………………… if they earn it.”
Paramedics Rush Ryan Field Following Concussion, Put in Time-Out for Interrupting Football Game
“Makes me sick that they think the quality of that boy’s skull is more important than football”