Category Archives: Featured

Ask Flippy: How Does Sprite Cranberry Affect LeBron’s Legacy?

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Anyways, to finally answer your question, I don’t know what LeBron would be without his staple commercial for Sprite Cranberry. His acting performance for that ad alone puts him up there with the likes of Leonardo DiCaprio, Denzel Washington, and Harry Styles. It truly made LeBron into what he is today, and we should all be eternally grateful for it. Frankly, it was a cultural reset, and that’s that. Glad I could be of assistance. Actually, before I go, I think it’s about time I ask YOU a question. So, I’ll leave you with just this one quick query: Wanna Sprite Cranberry?

Read more Ask Flippy, Featured, No. 353, Year 15

Fun Fall Activities to Try when Your Horny Roommate Sexiles You for the Fifth Time This Week

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It’s that time of year again. Leaves are turning hues of crimson, white girls are donning the baggy-sweater-and-leggings look, there’s a chill in the air, and — your horny roommate is texting you “can u stay out tonight?” for the fifth time this week. That’s right, you’ve been sexiled. Your first instinct may be to get mad, but try to remain calm. Remember, roommates are people too! They have needs! What was your roommate supposed to do when he encountered

Read more Featured, Local, No. 353

Ask Flippy: Can You Quickly Check If I Bled Through My Pants But Like Don’t Make It Obvious?

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If everyone sees you staring at my butt, they’ll know I’m on my period and that would obviously be the worst possible thing to happen to me or anyone in the history of time for reasons I’m unaware of, but I’d for sure have to drop out of school, so can you please just do this for me?

Read more Ask Flippy, Featured, No. 351, Year 15

Ancestral Ojibwe Call for End of Land Acknowledgements: “We Don’t Want Anything to Do With This Football Team.”

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After Northwestern’s humiliating loss to Southern Illinois University, the Ojibwe—no longer wanting to associate with such an embarrassment of a football team—pulled out from their weekly game-time land acknowledgment. A land acknowledgement, recognizing the ancestral land upon which a particular activity or sports event takes place, is typically conducted at halftime during Northwestern football games. Vice President and Associate Provost for Diversity and Inclusion and Chief Diversity Officer Dr. Robin Coleman spoke out regarding the confusing omission at Saturday’s game.

Read more Featured, Local, No. 351, Year 15

Ask Flippy: Where Do I Find Valid Shawties Who Will Also Support My Ambitions In Political Science?

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I’m just looking for a valid, down-to-earth betty who can hold my hand, both at Naturdays with the boys and on the campaign trail. Everyone knows you’re a stronger candidate with some hot wife material behind you. Plus, I still haven’t found anyone who’s willing to lay out my clothes the night before like my mom used to do – and also kiss me with tongue the way I hope my mom never does.

Read more Ask Flippy, Featured, Local, No. 350, Year 15
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