Students Watch Anxiously as Squirrel Attempts to Cross Sheridan on a Busy Day
“I was jumping up and down, screaming for him to go back to his burrow.”
Category Archives: Local
Students Bond Over Shared SSRI Dosage
âI thought I was the only one on campus taking 150mg of Zoloft every morning,â said Michaels of her dosage.
Scientists Discover Girlsâ Bathroom in Locy is a Portal to Hell
âIt just seemed right,â said Satan. âEven I was creeped out by the Locy basementâI was like, âwow, looks like someone beat me to it.ââ
Cold Weather Making Life “Really Hard” for Kids in Thousand-Dollar Jackets
âMaking Northwestern a safe place for incredibly rich shitheads is more or less part of our mission statement,â Schapiro said.
Entrepreneurial Genius Logs into Handshake During Middle of Lecture
Smuthers initially agreed to comment on the story, but cancelled her interview with reporters upon hearing that The Flipside is not a marketing company.
Study: One Third of Friend Groups Held Together by Mutual Fear of Meeting New People
Vestie and the rest of the faculty are currently working on a whole-brain engineered solution to the fact that a large portion of Northwestern students are not capable of healthy social interaction.
Due to Budget Cuts, Dog Therapy Has Been Replaced By A Ferret Named Keith
âWe know this season is hard for everyone,â a Monday email from Northwestern Libraries said, âbut we are certain that what Keith lacks in size, he makes up for in heart.”
Freshman Grabs Ambitious Amount of Condoms
âIâm gonna be burninâ rubber like the Indy 500. This should last me through the end of the quarter.â
The House Isnât the Only Thing Turning Blue, Claims Frat Boy Participating in No Nut November
âMy grandfather in a bikini wonât cut it anymore,â claimed Anderson, âfor the Senate or for stopping my arousal.â
Only Girl in Your Compsci Class is Totally Into You
âShe looks almost directly at me exactly once a class! Itâs so hot, sheâs totally hitting on me,â said clueless McCormick freshman, Alec Thatcher.