Area Sophomore Swallows Goldfish at Job Fair “to Prove Loyalty”
“He proceeded to bend down, removing the goldfish from its bowl, and drop it straight into his mouth.”
Category Archives: Local
Weinberg Junior to Attempt Eighth Different Note-Taking Method
Having already found that his grade decreases as his distance from the lecturer increases, Isaacs hopes to find a similar pattern through his increasingly robust data on what factors correlate most with success.
Diverse Fraternity Gets Second Black Guy
Coming on the heels of Beta Beta Beta’s ground-breaking decision last year to get their first black guy, this diverse fraternity is once again shifting the paradigm of what it means to be inclusive.
Alice Millar Vandals Sentenced to Literal Slap on the Wrist
“We wanted to rise above the limitations of metaphor and really drive home the lack of consequences.”
AP Calls Illinois for Clinton Before Polls Even Open
“It’s the AP’s journalistic duty to report news when it happens or when we make it.”
Blackhawks Fans Furious Over Indians’ Mascot
Northwestern students have been very vocal about the horrific portrayal of Native Americans by the Cleveland franchise. Some of them are also die-hard Chicago sports fans.
Confused Freshman Searches for Food in Elder Dining Hall
Reportedly, a confused Sterling decided to start wandering through Elder Dining Hall under the mistaken assumption that there was food in Elder Dining Hall.
New ASG Senator Thinks He Can Make a Difference
“I’ve heard all about last year when they passed important resolutions on Sodexo and had a contested election; if that kind of stuff can happen, then surely ASG is a force to be reckoned with.”
Russian Hackers Successfully Log in to Caesar
The hackers were reportedly able to breach Caesar’s state of the art security measures to check their financial aid statuses, sign up for classes, and print their unofficial transcripts.
Op-Ed: Halloween Not as Scary as Your Family’s Expectations
At least Leatherface doesn’t care how your last interview went.