Area Freshman Blushing after Being Asked to Dance Marathon
He has already texted his parents about his date, and he hopes to get coffee on the Lakefill with her before it freezes over.
Category Archives: Local
Morty Goes as “Sexy Safe Space” for Halloween
“His costume totally rejected gender binary,” said Veronica Keller, SESP ’20. “You honestly couldn’t tell if he was being slutty in a dude way or a girl way.”
Area Freshman Drops High School Boyfriend Instead
“Each time he texted me something cute—and we’d text for hours—I’d blush and daydream for 10 minutes. There’s not enough time in a day for all of that, with homework, classes, and my weekly lab.”
Area Senior Saved Drops for This Year
He has already completed his foreign language requirement, his major requirements, five of the six distro areas, and, for some reason, a minor in geography.
Anti-Social Loser: I Hate Halloween
“I know college students take a lot of flak for wanting ‘safe spaces,’ but there’s just no room on campus for this kind of hate speech.”
Roommate Mumbles Communist Manifesto in His Sleep
“I’ve never had a history of sleep talking and, more importantly, I’ve never read the damn thing!”
Drunk Friend at Tailgate Will Totally Get Lunch with You Soon
Unfortunately, their spring quarter interactions were limited to quick hugs on Sheridan accompanied by hurried apologies for not staying longer.
Class of ’88 Alums Hook Up In Hinman
The Northwestern Alumni Association declined to comment on the affair, but Hinman CSO Mike Hanson says this isn’t unusual for Homecoming weekend.
Suite Mate Shocked Nobody Appreciates Her Accordion
Despite hours of intensely practicing George Michael’s hit singles, she reported being told to “shut the fuck up,” and to “douse that piece of shit in oil and light it up.”
Hillary: I’m Reaching Out to Everyone, But Especially You. Yes, You.
Despite the sea of people that also received her plea, you should feel honored. Be gratified.