Task Force Recommends 174 One-Day Quarters
āIām already envisioning my morning routine. Wake up. Take a midterm. Brush my teeth, take a midterm. Shower. Take a midterm.”
Category Archives: Local
RAs Required to Wear Body Cams
Student group Battered Dormitory Students Matterāabbreviated BDSMārepresents students who have fallen victim abuses of authority on campus.
Op Ed: We Need More Task Forces
Task forces for minorities on Northwestern can be great to make everyone feel truly equal; and each task force would be designed for each separate minority, from African Americans to Pacific Islanders.
Area Student Also Has Plenty of Dreams on MLK Day
Monroe, allegedly inspired by Kingās dream of racial equality, will start to work on his own dreams of not skipping lectures and staying in on Thursday nights.
Social Justice Warrior Refuses to Segregate Laundry by Color
“How could anybody honestly say that the different loads are āseparate but equal?”
BREAKING: Nothing Happening in Plex
While this allegedly began several hours ago, additional reports are claiming that there is nothing happening at this very moment either.
Paraplegic Daughter Suffers from Limb Envy
Limb envy often occurs when a child is missing control over their legs or lower body, whether due to a birth defect or accident.
Freshmen PNM Acts Herself, is Rejected
While her attitude wasn’t particularly undesirable, members involved in recruiting were quick to notice their authenticity and removed her from their lists of prospective bids.
STUDY: Everyone but You Rushing
A recent study by the Northwestern University Department of Classics shows that everyone but you is rushing. The study reveals that all of your friends are currently planning on joining a Fraternity or Sorority.
NU Men’s Basketball Might Be Good, But You Wouldn’t Know, Would You
Coach Collins has been quoted saying we could make the NCAA Tournament this year, but itās not like you pay attention to the best menās basketball coach Northwestern has ever employed.