Bernie Announces Monica Lewinsky as Running Mate
“She’s flexible, she’s not afraid to get her hands dirty, and she knows how to get things done in the Oval Office.”
Category Archives: Articles
Bernie Sanders Doing Electoral Math with Common Core
Bernie is as optimistic as ever, saying he still has a reasonable chance at winning the nomination, though critics have raised concerns that his electoral math was calculated using Common Core methods.
Professor on Maternity Leave Just Fucking Around
Sources indicate Swithers drops off her newborn at her parent’s house every morning before stopping by Domino’s for a large two-topping pizza on the way back home.
Mayfest Leaks Dillo Cancellation
“We like to maintain the element of surprise in announcing all performances and their cancellations, so it’s unfortunate that some information came out before we were ready to announce it.”
Math Professor Honestly Doesn’t Even Know
Class suck up and economics major Margo Sanders commented, “Every time I ask him questions, he scribbles illegibly on the board, and shrugs his shoulders as if I magically understand his hieroglyphics.”
Trump: I’d See my Daughter in Burlesque
“I saw a burlesque show at a Catholic fundraiser the other day, and it seemed like the perfect thing my daughter Ivanka could be in.”
ASG: Christina, Macs Sentenced to Death by Lethal Injection
“These are very dangerous individuals and to allow them back into the public sphere would be a breach of public safety.”
Morty Grapefruited by Wife
Sources report that Morty was in fact at Auntie Angel’s event, where she demonstrated how to use common fruits and vegetables for erotic pleasure.
Five-Star Engineering Recruit Verbally Commits to McCormick
Conforto has not been free from out-of-the-classroom controversy, however. Some of his former high school mathletes allege he once tried a sip of beer at a party.
Hillary Clinton Sends Out Thousands of “Follow 4 Follow?” Tweets
“Kids these days are all on their phones doing the texting and tweeting I believe they call it,” Clinton told Flipside reporters.