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Comm Majors Pass Art Class, Flipside Obtains Syllabus to Find Out How

April 23, 2013 Katie Prentiss Leave a comment

Reports indicate that Communications majors are passing art classes with ease. The Northwestern Flipside has obtained a copy of a typical art department class syllabus to investigate how on earth this could possibly occur. The syllabus has been reprinted verbatim below. Week 1: Discuss our favorite feelings, textures. Be prepared to explain the last time you cried. Homework: Spend 30 minutes exploring your heart, and then spend 30 minutes drawing mindlessly. Week 2: History of famous artists. You are allowed

CNN Planning Terrorist Attack to Ensure They Get the Facts Right This Time

April 22, 2013 Andrew Schneider Leave a comment

ATLANTA, GA — Following their botched reporting of last Tuesday’s Boston Marathon bombings, during which the once-venerable network continually reported unverified (and untrue) claims as fact, cable news outlet CNN has announced a controversial plan to formulate and launch a terrorist attack on US soil. Cable News Network’s parent company Time Warner hopes that by planning and executing a deadly, meticulous strike themselves, CNN’s reporters will actually be able to get the facts right this time. According to verified sources

Obituary: Lilly Pulitzer’s Death Leaves Void Unfillable Except by Flowers and Pink Pants

April 20, 2013 Caroline Picard Leave a comment

Sorority girls, grandmothers, and Kennedys everywhere are mourning the loss of iconic fashion designer Lilly Pulitzer, who died last week at age 81. The “Queen of Prep” had such a widespread cultural impact that it can be difficult to imagine a world without her. How else could housewives somewhat justifiably spend $118 on scarves? What would eighth grade girls in Connecticut wear to their middle school graduations? And where would the modern world be without the creation of prints such

ASG Candidates Blame Loss on Poor Weather, Low Turnout

April 19, 2013 Brian Lee Leave a comment

EVANSTON — According to inside sources, ASG presidential candidates were disappointed that poor election day weather led to low voter turnout. Candidate Aaron Zelikovich has claimed that cold weather, accompanied by snow flurries, half-frozen rain, and “good ol’ fashioned Midwestern hail,” deterred many who would have otherwise gone out and voted for him. Similarly, political strategists for David Harris and Jo Lee were adamant that had the weather been better, voter turnout amongst seniors, who traditionally support candidates with their

Class of 2017 Holds Most Diverse Group of White People in NU History

April 18, 2013 Dean Meisel Leave a comment

“This is truly a remarkable feat by our admissions office, and I couldn’t be prouder of the group we assembled,” said Christopher Watson, Dean of Undergraduate Admissions. “We have new students hailing from the suburbs of Miami, New York, Los Angeles, and Chicago.”

Point/Counterpoint: “Should I Raise Tuition?”

April 17, 2013 Brian Earl Leave a comment

Guest contributor Morton Owen Schapiro argues that yes, raising tuition is an unfortunate necessity in today’s economic climate, while Morty Schapiro counters that HELL YES, have you SEEN the prices for these FUCKING FLOWERS?!?

Model UN Shows High School Students What the Real UN Is Like

April 15, 2013 Min Lee Leave a comment

EVANSTON — This weekend, several high school students from the Midwest arrived at Northwestern University to hold mock United Nations meetings and discuss global issues. “We hoped to give these students a better understanding of the powers and responsibilities of the UN,” said Northwestern Model UN’s President, Andrew Tyson. Tyson added that it was a rousing success. However, some students were upset by weekend’s proceedings. “We couldn’t get anything resolved,” commented Frank Wu, a student delegate from Deerfield. “I never

Dear Students of SESP: Please Help, Give Us Your Money

April 14, 2013 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

Having learned of the School of Education and Social Policy’s new course on the history and ethical dilemmas associated with philanthropic donations, the Northwestern Flipside would like to submit the following petition for the fund on our own behalf: Dear students currently engaged in the course “Learning Philanthropy and Engaging in the Study and Practice of Giving”— We’re sorry. We’re sorry we ever made fun of SESP. It’s just that after our twelfth straight hour on the same Quantum Mechanics

Northwestern Hosts First Waitlist Wildcat Days

April 13, 2013 Sam Block Leave a comment

EVANSTON — Hundreds of waitlisted students stood outside Norris University Center on Monday, peering through the windows to catch glimpses of the Wildcat Days Activities Fair and other information sessions. Suddenly, Justin Star, a New Trier senior, felt a tap on his shoulder. “Justin Stein wasn’t impressed by the food at Hinman and isn’t going here,” an Admissions Officer told him. “So you’re in.” Star rushed inside Norris. Not all waitlisted students were as lucky as Star. For most, they

Prospective Student Surprised She Can See Chicago from Northwest Illinois

April 12, 2013 Brian Earl Leave a comment

WAUKESHA, WI — Jordan Stralisky was surprised to learn during Wildcat Days that the city of Chicago is visible from the Northwestern Campus. “We drove like three hours to get from Waukesha to Northwestern, and on the tour we saw downtown Chicago from just outside Norris. I had no idea you could see Chicago from Northwest Illinois!” Stralisky said. “I have family in Dubuque, so it’ll be great to be just a short drive from the Iowa border in case