— HELP WANTED — Ladies needed for educational demonstration of toy drills. Required to work naked in a public setting. Compensation will include appropriate payment and a souvenir toy. Contact: bailey@northwestern.edu and Human sexuality psychologist needed for Psychology department. Required to conduct research in Evanston, IL and teach Psychology 337. Responsible applicants only.
ATLANTIC CITY – In what is surely a game for the ages, the wheelbarrow is about to win a game of monopoly. It has $1300 in cash and owns the red monopoly, consisting of Kentucky Avenue, Indiana Avenue, and Illinois Avenue. “I just knew my business was turning around when I landed on Indiana Avenue,” the wheelbarrow commented. “Seriously, there are now three stunningly beautiful houses here! Who wouldn’t want to stay in one of them and pay me $700
BRUSSELS – Belgium has faced a political deadlock that has been going on for eight months. In a flash of ingenuity, Belgian Senator Marleen Temmerman called for a sex strike imposed by the wives of the politicians until agreements start getting reached.  At first there was confusion as to whether this pertained to all forms of sex (including oral, anal, and nasal), but upon clarifying that it includes everything up to a quickie handy, the men decided to finally take action.
I was walking down the street this afternoon when I caught a glimpse of my reflection in a puddle of water. Something seemed a little off– My coat. Even though it was on. As in I was wearing it, and it was not off. But it seemed off. Does it look bad on me? It’s a plaid coat. I’m told plaid is in style, and that it brings out my hazel eyes. Is this true? It has a poofy fur
“Yeah, I don’t screw with Bob,” explained B.o.B, “that dude is the hardest motherfuckin’ computer systems analyst I know.”
It has been a tough decade for journalists. Many have had to take up second jobs as teachers or bloggers to make a living. In 2010, however, the Journalist Organization for Better Standing (JOBS), decided to do something about it. “We held a think tank meeting at a Starbucks,” said JOBS president Joseph Medill. “It was there that Rudy [Murdoch] came up with what has been a game-changing decision for us: overthrow the Tunisian government and send the whole world
by xtrasooperdood GUYS! You guys! You won’t believe it! C’mon! Okay, you guys are NOT. Fuckin’. Gonna. Believe it. Last night my parents made me watch a movie with them; it was some fuckin’ black and white movie. Gay shit, amirite? Yeah, I know! But listen, this movie had more tits than you could shake your dick at – NO, DAN, I’M NOT FUCKING LYING! No, I don’t know what it was about – I was on AIM the whole
by b4113rh4113r sWeEtIeBABI444: Hey radsportsdude69: hi sWeEtIeBABI444: How’s it going? radsportsdude69: nm u? sWeEtIeBABI444: uhhh… I’m just chillinnnnn :) radsportsdude69: hoo is this? sWeEtIeBABI444: Katie, frm Math radsportsdude69: Oh, hey radsportsdude69: sup? sWeEtIeBABI444: not much. I already asked you that ;) radsportsdude69 : oh yeah lol sWeEtIeBABI444: Wat u up to tonight? radsportsdude69: nm u? sWeEtIeBABI444: lol I’m hanging out with some friends. we jst watched the ring lol radsportsdude69: I kno, shes so hot. I dnt kno y she
[by Cla4732] Due to a lack of all natural and artificial light, two boys and two girls who had gone on a double mall date ended up wandering around Hollister for four hours yesterday. Sources report that the pounding music and overpowering smell of cologne added to their disorientation. While Amanda and Chris groped through racks of sequins and preschool-sized jeans, Joey and Suzie groped each other, furiously making out 3 feet from their companions. After finding the exit with