Safe Ride Slay! My Car Was 20 Hours Late and Drove Me Into the Lake Kendall Roy-Style
I put in the call at 11:51 P.M. Friday night. Next thing I knew, it was 7:51 P.M. Saturday night.
Report: Lamb’s Blood on Area Man’s Door “Not a Religious Thing, Just Leftovers from Dinner”
While EPD has concluded that the lamb’s blood mark was “no threat to person or property” in the neighborhood, forensics experts will still “thoroughly investigate the area for signs of lice, flies, locusts, and corpses of firstborn children.”
Uh-Oh! Elijah Just Sat on Your Weird Kid’s Imaginary Friend
The seat that is always left open for his imaginary friend was just usurped by a mere passer-by who’s obsessed with watching baby boys get their foreskin cut off. What a creep!
Local Date Says His Favorite Movie Is The Zapruder film
“He literally said his favorite movie was the Zapruder film! I had no idea what that was, so I excused myself to head to the bathroom to Google it and dipped as soon as I found out what it was. What a freak!”
From the Author: Help, Please. Get Me Out of Here. I’m Stuck At This Permalink
God, what a strange week I’ve had.
Op-Ed: I’m Going to Live Forever. So Far, So Good.
After the insane number of Zoom lectures that I attended during Covid, I should have died of boredom long ago, but I haven’t.
Kanye Releases Donda 3 exclusively on Tooth-tunes
stated Ye in an Instagram caption. “I’VE PARTNERED WITH THE PEOPLE OVER AT TOOTHTUNES FOR AN EXCLUSIVE DONDA 3 LISTENING EXPERIENCE ONLY TO BE ENJOYED FOR 2 MINUTES TWICE A DAY.”
DJ Moondog Sued By Estate of Famed Canine Cosmonaut Laika
“As it stands, Moondog’s face is a disgrace to the entire space race.”
VeggieTales Officially Incorporated into Biblical Canon
Diehard supporters of the Eucharist reject the pious produce, claiming that the only food group that can be connected to God is flaccid bread.
From the Distant Archives: Landmark Moments in Scientific History (Vol. II, Edition 3):can i eat tihs cactis
Use old, ancient wisdum [sic] of 20 suncycle [sic] on mothr [sic] Urth [sic] and smarts for smart thing, ask queschun [sic]: “can i (Borbra Smartbrain Elder Sciencer) eat tihs cactis?” [sic]