From the Archives: Y2K Poses Biggest Threat to Mankind in History
“I’m willing to lose all of my documents, memories and digital pornography if it means companies saving money that I will never see.”
Freshman Just Referred to Professor as His “Teacher”
“There’s no way I can associate with him anymore. We’re in college now, bro. We have professors, not teachers. It’s just so childish,” said Jacob Villanueva, before heelying away.
Average Tuition Falls After NU4Bloomberg Students Drop Out
The Northwestern administration stated that the dropping students’ tuition accounted for about $55.4 million in lost revenue .
“Well, well, well, who’s laughing now?” Says Student Spending Spring Break in Tiny Deep Sea Capsule
“They all called me ‘Jenny the Weirdo,’ ‘Jenny the Deep Sea Freak,’ ‘Jenny-the-girl-who-got-her-head-stuck-inside-a-beaker-during-a-bio-lab,’” said Smeely, “Oh how the tables have turned!”
Success: Girl Who Called You Ugly In Middle School Now Has 3 Kids All Named Zayden
We here at the Flipside are also happy to report that Hannah Griffin now has 3 kids, all of which are inexplicably named Zayden.
Daily Northwestern Breaks 15 Day Streak of Not Publishing Anything Racist
From heavily censoring the coverage of political events, to publicly accounting the suffering of “taking the train and sitting next to POOR people,” the Daily has a proud tradition of standing up for what is right.
98% of Chemistry Classes Fail Bechdel Test
I don’t think a conversation passes the Bechdel test if a man says, ‘but actually,’ every time the professor or I try to get a word in.
Iron Man to be rebranded Fe Male for International Women’s Day
With International Women’s Day right around the corner, we kinda recognized that having a womanizing playboy as a central character in the Avengers is not the move.
Girl Scouts to Sell by Donation New “Lemon Lenins” After Turning to the “Cause of the Proletariat”
They have raised more than $20,000 which they plan to invest directly into “freeing the working class from under the thumb of laissez-faire.”
Students Gather to Shoot the Shit, Survive Methane Explosion
Chunks of a plastic Port-A-Potty were strewn across Sheridan Road after students decided to meet up and shoot the shit to decompress on a Friday night.