English Major Contemplates Symbolism of Soaked Frat Basement Walls
āIf these walls could talk, I bet theyād be telling us that itās okay to cry sometimes.”
TA Could Have Sworn Discussion Section Much Larger Last Week
Teaching Assistant Jeremy Walter could have sworn his discussion section had more students the week before. āI felt like last Thursday, the kids were fighting over the front row,ā said Walter. āNow thereās only one row. Did I hallucinate all those other students?ā Walter reasons with himself that perhaps he was more focused on his ākiller slidesā last week than on the crowd of students, and so his perception of the room may be distorted. āI was showing some videos
Atwood Receives Lukewarm Response at Keynote From Campus Dudes; āSheād Be Pretty If She Smiled Moreā
āDonāt get me wrong, she sounds like a great writer and all, but she just seemed so serious. Like, lighten up a little, sweetheart!ā
Razor Scooter Owner Rides After Dark to Avoid Being Recognized
On the outside, he seems just like everyone else. But on the inside he has a massive, two-wheel secret.
Morty Goes on Secret Tinder Date to the World Series
The two were seen bundled for warmth underneath the romantic lights of a Fenway Park box.
Morty Hoping Heāll Get More than Natty Light While Trick or Treating at Frat Houses
āI am hoping by the end of this I will have enough candy to last until Christmas. Maybe theyāll even throw a few Keystones in there too.”
Mock Trial Stages Mock Execution
The death penalty case arose when Ross approached NUMTās promotional stand at the Rock and took a brownie before realizing they cost 75 cents. With no cash or venmo, Ross was summarily charged and convicted of theft and thirteen counts of homicide.
US News Editor to Morty: āI Made You Top 10, Now Let My Family Goā
āPlease, I have delivered on my part. Let me hold my son, Zachariah āZac-Attackā Zuckerman, again. Let me see my wife, Zora Zelda Zuckerman. I even made you #15 in Best Value Schools, right above the University of Chicago!ā
Six Flags Posts Studentsā Midterm Grades Around Park for Fright Fest
“What really put me over the edge was a scary clown handing me my CHEM 212 grade and saying, āOh no, I guess mommyās little boy wonāt be a doctor after all!āā
Pete Davidson Really Missing Life of Two Weeks Ago, When He Could Shop at Sears
Last week was tough for SNL cast member Pete Davidson, who reportedly enjoyed a āblissful and carefreeā summer. On October 15th, Sears filed for bankruptcy, bringing Davidsonās happiness to a halt. Pete was one of Searsā biggest fans and most loyal shoppers, even tattooing the Sears logo on his body. Now that Sears is no longer financially solvent, Pete has gone through the painful process of covering up tattoos that were once so meaningful to him. āIāve been covering a