President Morton Shapiro, after consulting the University Board, released in a tweet that by 2020, Northwestern will be officially renamed âAvoiding UChicago.â
From the moment mine eyes met thine, William, ye olde Wilde Cat, I was eternally enthralled. From then until the end of time, I was, am, and shall be thine.
I would do anything for you, Ricardo â except dance for 30 hours.
Consternation and significant pushback from angry students on campus calling for a reversal was⊠actually nowhere to be seen.
âI think I misunderstood when he told me it was âgonna be a bop,ââ said Mendoza, âthey were all really into it too. When I tried to leave, one guy put his hand on my chest and told me âdonât stop the bop.â”
âFirst margarine and now this? I didnât serve two years in the military, get dishonorably discharged, and move back in with my parents just for someone to confuse me with a quadruple negative!â
As any new Northwestern student who googles âwhat is improvâ five minutes before their audition knows, the only rule to the Chicago-founded comedic art form is saying âyes.â But if thatâs the case, then why did every improv group on campus say ânoâ to me? Iâm talking Titanic, Mee-Ow, ODB, The Bix, even the Panini Players. They all said âno.” I didnât even get a single callback. I say theyâre a bunch of hypocrites. If they were really committed to the
All copies of those volumes too patriarchal to edit will be ceremoniously burned on the Lakefill every Thursday night between now and 2025, along with multiple bras and Josh from the Earth Science department who has manspread on the âLâ one too many times.
âThat chunk of sandstone had some powerful friends. Thereâs no harm in me meeting with an applicant personally, sharing intimate secrets, exchanging phone numbers, and making secret handshakes. It gives the student no advantages whatsoever.â
In all honesty, I donât know what ComEd is. I think itâs something to do with carpentry.