Forgotten North Face Coming to Terms with New Home in Tech Express
The jacket has now been there for over four hours, abandoned by former owner Jessica Myers, McCormick ’20, between her morning and afternoon classes.
Author Archives: Flippy
Ask Flippy: How Do I Get My Roommate to Stop Throwing Lube at the Back of My Head?
Another option is to start wearing a CRU branded “Abstinence is the One True Way” chastity belt.
Freshman Concerned About Growing Distance From Wildcat Welcome Friends
“I literally even put some of them in an Insta post, and now this is how I get repaid?”
Bobb to Release “Eau de Bobb” Luxury Fragrance
Local Bobb residents who were given a special look at the fragrance also speak to its exquisite indescribability
“Actually,” Begins Freshman History Major, as Soon as Hamilton Ends
Blatantly ignorant of Lin-Manuel Miranda’s right to take artistic liberties, Dawson continued, “Some realities were totally skewed. Sorry guys, but Hamilton was not that liberal!”
Sodexo Unveils Revolutionary New Dining Experience with ‘Plex South’
The location will scrap the popular live-cooking option in favor of an open fish tank, where diners can pick their meal using their bare hands and struggle for food-chain superiority over the gasping animal.
Students Rate Dining Hall Food Third Best Thing They’ve Eaten Today Behind Tears and Semen
“At least the first two come quickly.”
“Being a Lightweight Saves Money,” Claims Vomiting Freshman
Sources say Tarver consumed only three standard drinks over two and a half hours on Saturday, though Tarver claims that he poured “like, a couple shots worth” of liquor into each of his disgusting vodka Sprites.
Air-Drying Freshman Maybe A Little Too Confident
“Towels are just so constricting, you know?” Stevens told the Flipside while sitting naked in a lounge.
Classes Cancelled as Morty Loses Key to Northwestern
“This definitely isn’t the first time Morty has had to cancel class due to his forgetfulness. One day during my sophomore year, we couldn’t have morning classes because Morty forgot to wake up the professors.”