Freshman Concerned About Growing Distance From Wildcat Welcome Friends
“I literally even put some of them in an Insta post, and now this is how I get repaid?”
Author Archives: Flippy
Bobb to Release “Eau de Bobb” Luxury Fragrance
Local Bobb residents who were given a special look at the fragrance also speak to its exquisite indescribability
“Actually,” Begins Freshman History Major, as Soon as Hamilton Ends
Blatantly ignorant of Lin-Manuel Miranda’s right to take artistic liberties, Dawson continued, “Some realities were totally skewed. Sorry guys, but Hamilton was not that liberal!”
Sodexo Unveils Revolutionary New Dining Experience with ‘Plex South’
The location will scrap the popular live-cooking option in favor of an open fish tank, where diners can pick their meal using their bare hands and struggle for food-chain superiority over the gasping animal.
Students Rate Dining Hall Food Third Best Thing They’ve Eaten Today Behind Tears and Semen
“At least the first two come quickly.”
“Being a Lightweight Saves Money,” Claims Vomiting Freshman
Sources say Tarver consumed only three standard drinks over two and a half hours on Saturday, though Tarver claims that he poured “like, a couple shots worth” of liquor into each of his disgusting vodka Sprites.
Air-Drying Freshman Maybe A Little Too Confident
“Towels are just so constricting, you know?” Stevens told the Flipside while sitting naked in a lounge.
Classes Cancelled as Morty Loses Key to Northwestern
“This definitely isn’t the first time Morty has had to cancel class due to his forgetfulness. One day during my sophomore year, we couldn’t have morning classes because Morty forgot to wake up the professors.”
Primal Scream Occurs Early This Year on National Boyfriend Day
The police report revealed countless moans of varying pitches and intensities accompanied by loud banging around 9 PM on Tuesday.
University Renames North and South Campus as Left Brain Campus and Right Brain Campus
“Who are we fooling with this ‘one cohesive campus’ bullshit?”, added an anonymous tour guide.