Area Freshman Blushing after Being Asked to Dance Marathon
He has already texted his parents about his date, and he hopes to get coffee on the Lakefill with her before it freezes over.
Author Archives: Flippy
Area Freshman Drops High School Boyfriend Instead
“Each time he texted me something cute—and we’d text for hours—I’d blush and daydream for 10 minutes. There’s not enough time in a day for all of that, with homework, classes, and my weekly lab.”
Trump Star Smashed Like Trump Smashes Pussy: Without Consent
More and more Americans are becoming convinced that these were less consensual acts on Mr. Trump’s part than they were an unasked-for hammering.
Roommate Mumbles Communist Manifesto in His Sleep
“I’ve never had a history of sleep talking and, more importantly, I’ve never read the damn thing!”
Suite Mate Shocked Nobody Appreciates Her Accordion
Despite hours of intensely practicing George Michael’s hit singles, she reported being told to “shut the fuck up,” and to “douse that piece of shit in oil and light it up.”
Area Vaper Having Hard Time Sourcing Locally
“I’m a college student paying over $60,000 for tuition, and $15 dollars per thing of e-juice. There should be cheaper options in the area.”
Clowns Nationwide Having Trouble Juggling Work and Play
“The only time I have to myself is on my walks through the woods near the kindergarten.”
PA Group Found Dead in Human Knot
Brian McNulty, one of the workers who found Group 193, described the scene as “the single most confusing thing I have ever stumbled upon.”
‘Sexy Morty’ Costume Back in Stores This Halloween
The costume has already sold out through online pre orders, but Norris assures that they will restock soon.
Area Freshman Watches a Lot of Porn
Stevens said that he first started worrying about his roommate when he “walked into the room one night at 1:15 a.m. to find Jason sitting in the dark at his desk, watching porn and eating Pad Thai.”