Write-in Vote for Bruce Curlee, The Chicago Metropolitan Area’s Fourth Best Mick Jagger Impersonator, Goes Unheard By Mayfest
“I just can’t get no satisfaction,” says the impersonator who vaguely resembles Mick Jagger.
Category Archives: Entertainment
Report: Your Mayfest Friend Quiet All of a Sudden
In situations where she might find herself saying, “you’ll never guess who’s going to be on the Main Stage this year!” or “Guys, I have literally wanted a Ferris wheel on the Lakefill since I was born,” she now just stands there without making a peep.
Mayfest: “We’ll Just Throw Drunk People in the Lake, OK??”
“After the event, we can just take a big net and scoop everybody into it. Just grab each person’s Wildcard information and send them home.”
A$AP Greg to Replace A$AP Ferg At Dillo Day
After it was announced yesterday A$AP Ferg would no longer be able to attend Dillo as he mourns the passing of his pet chihuahua Philip, a replacement was quickly found in rising rap sensation and Northwestern Physics Professor Gregory Smithson, better known by his stage name A$AP Greg. A$AP Greg was born on the mean streets of Wilmette, Illinois, is a divorcee with two adult daughters Julia and Kristin and drives a 2006 Toyota Corolla he calls Linda. Greg is
Crowd, in Unison, Says “Nice” After A$AP Ferg Says 69
“It makes me glad to know that 69 is still a powerful unifying force to this day.”
Gotta Go Fast: Animators Rush to Overhaul Sonic Movie in Month-Long Adderall Bender
“I’m already on Adderall because I have ADHD,” said animator Ryan Fogel, “But I started crushing and snorting it, and oh my GOD it’s so much better!”
Not To Be Outdone, Thomas the Tank Engine Writers Announce Percy is Pansexual
Percy, the lovable small green engine, will reportedly explore his newfound attractions to his fellow trains, Emily and Gordon, in a three episode arc which will culminate with, as Wagner put it, “the most passionate love-making scene, the likes of which the Island of Sodor has never seen.”
Mel Gibson’s Veggietales reboot to focus on how the Jews betrayed Jesus
Mel’s “singular vision” is making Veggietales into a series hyper focused on the way “those damn Jews sold out the King of Kings”.
New Dating App Matches You with People Who Had the Same Version of the Gen 4 Pokémon Games that You Did
The app only requires you to answer one question: did you have Diamond or Pearl?
A Flipside investigation: If you rearrange the letters of Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor, you get Northwestern hrmnaoibsdraantiiocu
Meghan Markle did not explicitly name her son after Northwestern. Duh. As anyone who has watched The Princess Diaries would know, royals have to be discreet.