A&O Presents La La Land with Jordan Horowitz
“Events like this keep me young,” said Barry Jenkins, director of the Best Picture-nominated Moonlight. “I look forward to taking in the spectacle from the audience.”
Category Archives: Featured
Bunch of Nerds Finally Asked to Dance
Many observers credit the dweebs’ newfound success to their coach, Chris Collins, who, in a few short years, helped greatly improve their looks and confidence.
Jeff Sessions a Baller on the Segregated Basketball Court
Sessions, when asked to show what he got, gladly demonstrated his “legendary” skills in a pick-up game at the newly re-segregated gym in the Robert F Kennedy Department of Justice Building.
Girlfriend “Just Wants to Talk,” Sharpens Medieval Weaponry
“I was really confused at first, but when she started swinging the axe at me, I knew something was up.”
Every Time Samantha Bee Says Her Name, It Gets Faster
Critics of the night’s events argue that Bee went for the classic “meme over theme” approach, in which she used repeated meme usage over any actual writing, effort or skill.
College Republicans Hastily Cancel Plans to Invite Milo Yiannopoulos
“We would never have invited someone so intentionally divisive, with such regressive views on protecting children from sexual assault.”
Zootopia Oscar Nomination Gives Hope to Disenfranchised Furries
“We look at Judy Hopps as a role model for a new generation of furries” said a long-practicing furry who only referred to himself as his fursona “PrideBunny.”
English Student Supports STEM But Only By Retweeting @RogueNASA
In lieu of her inability to really understand science, Owens has decided to show she cares by retweeting snippets about important scientific advancements and discoveries from the recently created Rouge NASA.
Go-Getter Applies to Two Internships
According to witnesses, Johnny opened up his laptop’s documents folder to find the resume he had used to apply to work at as a grocery store stock boy five years prior.
Area Boyfriend Watches The Notebook to Get Head
“How did he get such a good idea? If I ever get a girlfriend, I know what movie I’ll watch.”