Lonely Freshman Wonders Why No One Posting in PA GroupMe Anymore
“Everyone was making hilarious jokes and plans to get bubble tea, but now anytime I ask them to get dinner, it’s like I’m shouting into a void.”
Category Archives: Featured
Hair in Communal Shower Drain Becomes Sentient, Terrorizes Students
Later that night, students began to report sightings of a “giant, writhing, spider-like creature” near the Bobb recreation room.
Forgotten North Face Coming to Terms with New Home in Tech Express
The jacket has now been there for over four hours, abandoned by former owner Jessica Myers, McCormick ’20, between her morning and afternoon classes.
Student Group Receives Eerie Messages From Ghost of Former President
Students have generally described the hauntings as friendly, though contact with the unknown leaves them all with anxiety and dread.
Material Drowned Out by Coughing Classmates Definitely on Midterm
Sources indicate that coughed-over material does indeed have a direct correlation with said material’s relevance to the class and its prominence on the midterm.
Seismologists Detect Signs that Dormant Student Might Wake Up Soon
“We have sufficient reason to believe the long-dormant student will emerge from slumber imminently,” lead scientist Veronica Tyson said at a press conference today. “Also, his alarm has been going off for the past 20 minutes.”
Morty Inconsolable After Visiting Haunted House
After half an hour spent making sure the spiders around the bar weren’t real, Morty allegedly worked up the courage to venture deeper into the house.
“We’re Out of Helium,” Squeaks CVS Employee
“It’s the darnedest thing!” squeaked manager Mark Shales.
JFK Files Reveal Surprisingly Solid Mixtape
these beats are, in fact, sick, but unfortunately never saw the light of day because “they would have blown the American public’s mind, figuratively, of course”.
Ask Flippy: How Do I Get My Roommate to Stop Throwing Lube at the Back of My Head?
Another option is to start wearing a CRU branded “Abstinence is the One True Way” chastity belt.