Kellogg Offers Class on Conducting Loud Business Calls While Shoving Past People in Airports
“The hardest part of the class so far has been yelling swear words into my phone while shoving past families with young children.”
Category Archives: Local
Club Treasurer Refers to Himself as “Director of Finance”
I mean, to be honest, being treasurer kinda sucks, and he only got the job since he was the only one who ran for it. So what he does with the name is no concern to us.”
NUPD Shuts Down Late Night Sheridan Construction Bulldozer Fight Club
“The message is clear: brutally splitting non-union construction workers in half with a bulldozer’s metal blade has no place at Northwestern.”
Freshman Concerned About Growing Distance From Wildcat Welcome Friends
“I literally even put some of them in an Insta post, and now this is how I get repaid?”
McCormick Student Gets Laid, Earning Honorary Doctorate
“Mr. Emerson’s heroic actions epitomize Whole-Brain Engineering.”
Junior About to Miss Throwing Trash into Garbage Can: “Kobe!”
professional study group casters are saying this is Buchanan’s worst gaff yet since the botched “pull my finger” play in 2015
Morty Replaces Water in Water Fountains with Juice From Juicy Drop Pops
“Personally, I just enjoy it so much I figured the student body would appreciate it, too.”
Josh McKenzie Enters Odinsleep to Recharge for 2018 Wildcat Welcome
Northwestern prides itself on refining the most tantalizingly brutal method to this transition by giving freshmen an extended period of fun-filled programming, then immediately thrusting them into midterms.
Area Grandpa Silently Sleuthing Ethnicity of Granddaughter’s New Boyfriend
“When he greeted me, he had one of those Commie-French accents. Who the hell are they letting into our schools these days?”
Bobb to Release “Eau de Bobb” Luxury Fragrance
Local Bobb residents who were given a special look at the fragrance also speak to its exquisite indescribability