Area Senior Saved Drops for This Year
He has already completed his foreign language requirement, his major requirements, five of the six distro areas, and, for some reason, a minor in geography.
Category Archives: Local
Anti-Social Loser: I Hate Halloween
“I know college students take a lot of flak for wanting ‘safe spaces,’ but there’s just no room on campus for this kind of hate speech.”
Roommate Mumbles Communist Manifesto in His Sleep
“I’ve never had a history of sleep talking and, more importantly, I’ve never read the damn thing!”
Drunk Friend at Tailgate Will Totally Get Lunch with You Soon
Unfortunately, their spring quarter interactions were limited to quick hugs on Sheridan accompanied by hurried apologies for not staying longer.
Class of ’88 Alums Hook Up In Hinman
The Northwestern Alumni Association declined to comment on the affair, but Hinman CSO Mike Hanson says this isn’t unusual for Homecoming weekend.
Suite Mate Shocked Nobody Appreciates Her Accordion
Despite hours of intensely practicing George Michael’s hit singles, she reported being told to “shut the fuck up,” and to “douse that piece of shit in oil and light it up.”
Hillary: I’m Reaching Out to Everyone, But Especially You. Yes, You.
Despite the sea of people that also received her plea, you should feel honored. Be gratified.
Professor Gives Pop Quiz During Midterm
Since Monday evening, 30% of Wilson’s Gen Chem students have dropped chem, declaring majors in the humanities.
Ken Bone Recalls Glory Days
“It was a great run,” said Bone. “I’m so grateful the American people treated me so well all that time. There were some great moments.”
Paul Ryan Dutifully Picks Up Trump’s Dry Cleaning
“He seemed a little embarrassed about holding the bag.”