Democrats Pull Off Major Victory in War on Christmas
“I can’t wait to personally feed every hardworking family’s Christmas tree into a wood chipper.”
Category Archives: Nation
JFK Files Reveal Surprisingly Solid Mixtape
these beats are, in fact, sick, but unfortunately never saw the light of day because “they would have blown the American public’s mind, figuratively, of course”.
Study Confirms That, Despite Wanting to, Gays Cannot Create Hurricanes
“It’s not like we haven’t tried,” said Ainsley.
White Co-Worker: So, Uh, How About That Cubs Game?
After grabbing an unmarked yogurt from the company refrigerator, he knew he had to speak up against the injustice.
Sophomore to Redirect All Questions About Her Summer to Her Instagram
An overly nonchalant caption, exclusively in lowercase letters and overwhelmingly blasé, follows each post.
Pissing Off Minority Group with Weapons Training is Greatest Move to Date, Nation Agrees
At press time, the White House was frantically sandbagging the doors and windows as neat regiments of transgender Navy Seals politely waited outside to have a word with the commander in chief.
Op-Ed: This Is Not The America Mark Twain Imagined
We spend all this time wondering if Betsy DeVos knows where Oregon is, but good ol’ Mark barely even recognized it as a real state. He saw a wonderland full of steamboats, fishermen, and abolitionists.
White House to Hunt Journalists Instead of Eggs This Easter
But Trump has held firm during this criticism, tweeting out that “shooting journalists is a great activity for our nation’s kids; how else are they going to learn how to get rid of fake news.”
NASCAR Celebrates First Openly Liberal Driver
Tandel Jr. drives the first Smart Car to be rigged up with an 850 horsepower engine.
Turns Out Club Penguin was Muslim
Thanks to a team of crack investigators, reporters have heard directly from inside sources that, in fact, Disney-owned Club Penguin is Muslim.