Dozens Dead as Doors Open On the Right at Foster
Multiple eyewitness accounts described the incident as âhorrifyingâ and âinconvenient.â
Category Archives: Articles
Graduating Senior Doesn’t Have Plans for Summer, Life
“I might end up spending summer bumming around, or working that godforsaken Auntie Anne kiosk again, and maybe Iâll keep doing that forever.â
SOFO Training Expanded to Quarter-Long .34 Credit Class
This class, listed as SOFO_391, will be available starting Fall 2016 and will be worth .34 credits.
Area Man’s Cousin Knows a Guy
Local sources have confirmed that local student James Beachâs, WCAS â19, cousin knows a guy.
ETHS Student: Iâll Drink at Dillo, but I Wonât Touch The Devilâs Grass
He also repeatedly emphasizes that he has only consumed alcohol, and not âthe evil plant.â
Fraternity Banner: Fuck Mayfest (Consensually)
Northwesternâs Fappa Fappa Fappa chapter added a Dillo-themed banner to the ranks of anti-rape slogans hung on fraternity houses around campus.
Area Freshman Nails Motherâs Day with E-Card
âWhen I saw âjackoff69@gmail.com has sent you an e-cardâ in my inbox, why, my heart was all of a flutter,â Macy McDonald said.
Momâs Special Boy Declares Very Unique Major in Economics
After much deliberation, the freshman decided to take a risk and commit to economics, a decision his mother called âbrave and very unique.â
Trump Drops Out Just to Fuck with Us
Surrounded by a haunted-looking Chris Christie, an ebullient Hillary Clinton, and several Miss Universe contestants, Trump began his speech by saying âWell, that was easy.â
Motherâs Day Perfect Time to Announce Gap Year
Instead of jumping off a bridge, jump into a new line of work and announce to your parents not that youâre an abject failure but that you need to truly find yourself.