Op Ed: We Need More Task Forces
Task forces for minorities on Northwestern can be great to make everyone feel truly equal; and each task force would be designed for each separate minority, from African Americans to Pacific Islanders.
Category Archives: Articles
Lottery Winner Spends Entire Winnings on Lottery
In an interview with The Flipside, Withers said that after āminutes upon minutesā of non-impulsive consideration, she felt that this was the most guaranteed way to continue making money off of her winnings.
Area Student Also Has Plenty of Dreams on MLK Day
Monroe, allegedly inspired by Kingās dream of racial equality, will start to work on his own dreams of not skipping lectures and staying in on Thursday nights.
Social Justice Warrior Refuses to Segregate Laundry by Color
“How could anybody honestly say that the different loads are āseparate but equal?”
BREAKING: Nothing Happening in Plex
While this allegedly began several hours ago, additional reports are claiming that there is nothing happening at this very moment either.
Paraplegic Daughter Suffers from Limb Envy
Limb envy often occurs when a child is missing control over their legs or lower body, whether due to a birth defect or accident.
NRA Sues Columbia for Using Trigger Warnings
The National Rifle Association decided this past Tuesday to file a formal lawsuit against Columbia University for their embrace of trigger warnings.
Freshmen PNM Acts Herself, is Rejected
While her attitude wasn’t particularly undesirable, members involved in recruiting were quick to notice their authenticity and removed her from their lists of prospective bids.
STUDY: Everyone but You Rushing
A recent study by the Northwestern University Department of Classics shows that everyone but you is rushing. The study reveals that all of your friends are currently planning on joining a Fraternity or Sorority.
NU Men’s Basketball Might Be Good, But You Wouldn’t Know, Would You
Coach Collins has been quoted saying we could make the NCAA Tournament this year, but itās not like you pay attention to the best menās basketball coach Northwestern has ever employed.