Study: Babies Scream More When Punched
According to onlookers, the UChicago adjunct balled up his fist—full of scientific curiosity—and punched the “already-sobbing, tomato-faced little shit” square in the face.
Category Archives: Sci/Tech
Study: Theatre Majors Flammable
CLEVELAND – From the ashes of recent tragedy, a new study out of Case Western Reserve University seems to confirm the not-wholly-unexpected fact that theatre majors are, indeed, flammable. The experiment sparked national attention when it was first published in the journal Annals of Internal Medicine earlier this month, taking heavy criticism for its potentially discriminatory attitude towards ESFJs—as measured by Myers-Briggs—and for its possibly unethical potential for grievous bodily harm caused by combusting theatre majors. Working off preliminary data
Five-Star Engineering Recruit Verbally Commits to McCormick
Conforto has not been free from out-of-the-classroom controversy, however. Some of his former high school mathletes allege he once tried a sip of beer at a party.
Hillary Clinton Sends Out Thousands of “Follow 4 Follow?” Tweets
“Kids these days are all on their phones doing the texting and tweeting I believe they call it,” Clinton told Flipside reporters.
Study: The Best and the Brightest Can Still Be Pretty Dumb
In his research, Dr. Critter has studied numerous incidents where Northwestern students have repeatedly done things that are “just plain stupid.”
Paraplegic Daughter Suffers from Limb Envy
Limb envy often occurs when a child is missing control over their legs or lower body, whether due to a birth defect or accident.
UN Realizes It Forgot to Crown Winner in Space Race
“It was outrageous!” said Andrei Karamazov, while knocking back a flask of clear liquid that he insisted was “potato soup.”
Friendsy… More Like F*cksy
“I’ve had Friendsy for one week, and I’ve already had 7 dates, 5 hook ups, and 3 one-night stands”
Robert Downey Jr.’s Real Reason for Visiting Northwestern
Not much is known as to why the CEO of Stark Enterprises decided to stop by the law school, but his presence led to numerous speculations among students as to the purpose of his visit.
Student Discovers New Use for Laptop Computers
All this time we’ve been underestimating just how useful those newfangled computer things can be. Next thing you know, we’ll have a [fully-functioning] website where students can pick their classes by themselves.