Morty Threatens to Raise Tuition 3.6% for Every Game Basketball Team Loses
Northwestern Students across campus seem to agree that while the punishment is harsh, it’s the only way to get the basketball team to stop losing.
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Not Getting that Chuck E. Cheese Internship is Rock Bottom for Area Freshman
Area freshman Hugo Baxter officially hit rock bottom Thursday morning after he opened his email only to find a formal letter of rejection for a summer internship position at wildly mediocre children’s entertainment center and restaurant, Chuck E. Cheese. Sources close to Baxter have shared that the Chuck E. Cheese gig was the last hurrah for the McCormick student, after a devastating fall quarter of rejections from all of Baxter’s dream positions at literally every single reputable firm under the
Cold Weather Making Life “Really Hard” for Kids in Thousand-Dollar Jackets
“Making Northwestern a safe place for incredibly rich shitheads is more or less part of our mission statement,” Schapiro said.
TA Could Have Sworn Discussion Section Much Larger Last Week
Teaching Assistant Jeremy Walter could have sworn his discussion section had more students the week before. “I felt like last Thursday, the kids were fighting over the front row,” said Walter. “Now there’s only one row. Did I hallucinate all those other students?” Walter reasons with himself that perhaps he was more focused on his “killer slides” last week than on the crowd of students, and so his perception of the room may be distorted. “I was showing some videos
Trump Apologizes for Mistreatment of Elizabeth Warren, Admits He Was Wrong
Trump’s speech has been widely regarded as a shining example of political decency and civility. Many are also applauding his masterful turn of phrase and elegant use of language in his speech.
Halloween and Hump Day on Dangerous Collision Course
Reports are filing in from multiple student sources that Halloween and the widely observed “Hump Day” are on course for a climactic and messy collision, leaving many to speculate if candy will be the only thing spread out on the living room floor this holiday season. “This Hump Day I can just be myself and pretend it’s some sort of costume.”, said an anonymous Weinberg freshman. “And maybe I’ll finally be able to get more than just candy in the
NU Basketball on UNC-Villanova Match-up: At Least We Can Read
“Even though I often envy schools like North Carolina and Syracuse for their rich basketball traditions and tournament success this year, I also recognize the value of basic literacy.”
Syrian Refugees Refuse Opportunity to Live in Bobb Hall
EVANSTON – In a gracious attempt to do its part in the increasingly turbulent Syrian refugee crisis, Northwestern University has offered to take in up to 25 Syrian families and host them in unoccupied rooms in Bobb Hall, but upon visiting their prospective homes, the selected families promptly declined. Bobb RA Meera Nahas was chosen to show the families around Northwestern last week, and he says they seemed largely pleased with the beauty of the campus. “That’s until I took
“NU Friends” Sitcom Canceled Before First Airing
We at Flipside felt our readers deserved at least a taste of what might have been had administrators watched past “The One the Morning After.”
In Memoriam: Zoboomafoo the Talking Lemur
Community mourns beloved lemur. Contemplates death and 90’s childhood.