Man Carrot comes equipped with several accessories, such as a gun, a bottle of Viagra, and a cigar. Most notable about this toy is the large, anatomically-correct penis attached to the six-inch tall figure, a detail that has not gone unnoticed by Fisher-Price’s critics.
“We are always looking for more ways to engage the student body in capitalist brainwashing.”
The study, conducted amongst top-ten ranking schools in collaboration with the Collective of United Mansplainers (CUM), revealed interesting neurological and physiological responses triggered in the male brain.
“I’ve seen them with someone named NAVICA a lot recently, and I’m worried about our relationship,” said Color. “I heard she goes a lot deeper than me.”
Trax informed the gatekeepers of their problem, but was told there was nothing that could be done. “It was ridiculous!” said Trax. “They totally could have just asked me those questions right then and there, but nooo, they needed to see a green badge.”
Everyone loves that feeling when they have honey all over their hands. I get to have that feeling all the time! Thanks, 5-Gum!
Attention humans!
For decades, Biden has been spotted working weekends at Sunglass Hut, presumably to pick up some extra cash. It is unclear whether or not he will continue working now that his loans are paid off.
9:14 P.M. Wednesday. November 25th. I’ll never forget receiving that fateful email: “Your optimal Northwestern Marriage Pact match is…” When I opened the email, I initially thought it was a joke–I mean, we only had 69.420% compatibility! And I’d never even heard of this guy. I mean, “Chad Fratman”?? Sounded totally fake. But Chad messaged me almost immediately, saying, “Hey bby girl u got snap” accompanied by a picture of a really cute thumb in a turtleneck. So, of course, I immediately
“Long ago, our ancestors bided their time by their schools’ washing machines, riding out spin cycle after spin cycle in the hopes that their perfect match would need to wash their delicates and fill a void in their life too.”