Op-Ed: Yes, My Zoom Photo is My Headshot. I Hate Myself as Much as You Hate Me
I know that people assume I am a pretentious asshole who is completely full of myself. All of these assumptions are valid.
Category Archives: Archives
Report: Bryan from Econ Doesn’t Like Halloween “As an Institution”
“You’re not a sexy cat, or a sexy maid, or a sexy bottle of Suave Men 3 in 1 Citrus Rush Shampoo, Conditioner and Body Wash. You’re just your sad little self, and that should be enough.”
New Report: It’s Still Unclear What People On Cover of Spanish Textbook Pointing At
When asked why the teens had been smiling and pointing into the distance excitedly for so long, Hernandez, Sanchez, and Gonzalez were unable to answer definitively.
Local Man Picks Random Balkan Country to Form New Personality Around
“I’ve tried to talk to him and make sure he’s doing ok, but he kept shouting about land disputes between Kosovo and Serbia,” explained a close friend, who wished to remain anonymous.
Reckless Student Sends Email To Professor After Only Five Proofreads
Her professor responded thirty seconds later, replying “sure that wold be fine -sent from my iPad.”
Circle Circle Dot Dot Cooties Vaccine Enters Testing Phase
Playground researchers have managed to develop an experimental vaccine using top notch Crayola Magic Marker technology, reducing the risk of cooties transmission by up to 30%.
Woah! Therapist Shares Tidbit of Personal Information
Before, she was just my therapist. But now that she’s, like, a real person with actual thoughts and opinions, it makes me anxious.
Classics Curriculum Of English Class Updated To Include All Wattpad Fanfics Opted For Film
In the wake of Wattpad fanfictions like The Kissing Booth and After becoming blockbuster teen movie franchises, one English teacher is leading the charge to get these works of literature where they belong: on the “Classics” section of her syllabus. Keri Schroeder, an Evanston-area high school teacher, first heard of Wattpad in 2019 when some drama students in her classroom “wouldn’t shut up” about how hot the Harry Styles fanfic they were reading was. “At first I was beleaguered, bemoaned, distraught, and in a
20 Years After Recess Tag Ending, Local Woman Remains “It”
“I can’t go out in public anymore. People scatter away from me like I’m a shark in a school of minnows, or as if I passed gas on the rush hour train.”
Confused Freshman Discovers That “I Live Right Outside NYC” Could Literally Mean Five Different States
Every year, East Coast residents capitalize on their supposed proximity to New York City, that concrete jungle where dreams come to life, to invoke awe in their geography-challenged classmates from the Midwest.