Freshman Nonchalantly Googles “Who is Pusher Tee” Mid-Conversation
“I didn’t know what any of those words meant, but I figured I’d start with finding out who this Pusher Tee is.”
Category Archives: Entertainment
New Dillo Stage to Feature Live Podcasting
Mayfest released a statement this week regarding the addition: “We know that not everyone wants to listen to random bands and rappers that they sort of vaguely know, so, we decided to bring in those podcasters that you’ve been meaning to listen to but just haven’t had the time lately.”
Joey Bada$$ to Join 2018 Dillo Lineup
Reports from Mayfest sources indicate that Joey Badass will join Daniel Caesar, Whitney, and Young the Giant in the lineup for Dillo Day on June 2.
Armadillo Day Ranked Second Best Vermin-Themed Music Festival After Roachella
The ranking, which will be displayed right below the “5th Best Dining” award on Northwestern’s Wall of Mediocre Achievements, came as a great surprise to the campus community.
Man Spends 30 Hours Reading Old Marvel Comics in Preparation to Criticize Infinity War
In preparation for the event, Johnson has read the entirety of the Infinity War series, the origin stories of every major character in the movie, and other Marvel comics relating to superhero teams ranging from the Fantastic Four to the Defenders.
Harry Potter Gets “Jill from Accounting” in Buzzfeed Quiz
The fictional, magically-adept children were blown away by Paxton’s ability to balance picking up her kids from hockey practice, and working overtime to pay for their private schooling.
Audience at A Cappella Concert Just Other A Cappella Groups Waiting to Go Next
It became more and more apparent that everyone there was only there to sing, between quietly clapping at each other’s numerous renditions of “Shake It Off.”
Student Who’s Watched 243 Hours of Netflix This Quarter Pissed about 30-Hour DM Commitment
“I mean, I feel like I could do DM in one afternoon and get the same out of it,” continued the same person who watched every season of American Dad at least three times.
Februaryfest Forced to Cancel Winter Dillo for 17th Straight Year Due to Inclement Weather
“We take great pride in planning the largest student-run outdoor winter music festival in the country, but unfortunately, high winds, single-digit temperatures, and accumulated snow have forced us to cancel all scheduled performances.”
New Dating App Shows Exact Radius of People Who Don’t Find You Attractive
Rather than having to put in user details, the app uses the camera to do a facial scan and delivers a verdict of “Honey, No, Come on.”