Area Sophomore Still Sits Criss Cross Apple Sauce
“I don’t understand what’s wrong with sitting criss cross apple sauce. It’s really comfortable.”
Category Archives: Local
Morty Tops Forbes 400 List of People With Most Catcash
Amazon founder Jeff Bezos tweeted, “Who’s Morty, and what the hell is Catcash?”
Pat Fitzgerald: Honestly, I Just Tell the Boys to Go Score Some Points, and Sometimes It Works
“I needed to find a way to make sure we won games,” Fitzgerald said, “and then it hit me, what would happen if we just got some points up on the board, and lo-and-behold, here we are today!”
Circle of Raccoons Around Rock Definitely Up to Something
“Something about how they’re rubbing their little hands together synchronously, after a new raccoon joins the circle every sixth minute, just really freaks me out,” said Steven Kasmer, WCAS ’18.
Ancestry.com Confirms the Rock is Rosetta Stone’s Less Famous Cousin
“This explains so much about The Rock’s psyche,” he said to Flipside reporters, “It knows it’s a total failure compared to its cousin, so it covers itself in paint to mask its own inferiority complex. Truly fascinating.”
Frats to Offer Drinkable Beer
“We think that by drinking Pilsner and Rauchbier, everyone will get to experience the exquisite taste of what fraternity life has to offer. It’s essentially an upgrade from piss to something actually delightful.”
Lonely Freshman Wonders Why No One Posting in PA GroupMe Anymore
“Everyone was making hilarious jokes and plans to get bubble tea, but now anytime I ask them to get dinner, it’s like I’m shouting into a void.”
Hair in Communal Shower Drain Becomes Sentient, Terrorizes Students
Later that night, students began to report sightings of a “giant, writhing, spider-like creature” near the Bobb recreation room.
Forgotten North Face Coming to Terms with New Home in Tech Express
The jacket has now been there for over four hours, abandoned by former owner Jessica Myers, McCormick ’20, between her morning and afternoon classes.
Student Group Receives Eerie Messages From Ghost of Former President
Students have generally described the hauntings as friendly, though contact with the unknown leaves them all with anxiety and dread.