Northwestern To Cancel Aggressive COVID Countermeasures, Will Instead Impose Economic Sanctions
Figora and Northwestern are not afraid to stand down in the face of danger
Category Archives: Articles
From the Future: And One Best Buy Account to Rule Them All
One day you’ll inherit the BestBuy account passed down from my father before me, and his father before him, all the way back to the great Steve Zucherberg Bezos Trump — and those discounts and deals will carry you to old age, despite our living in squalor in the Dust Wake
Nancy Pelosi to Supplement Gazpacho Police with Minestrone Military
The minestrone military would consist of a beef and barley battalion, an Italian wedding infantry, and a nuclear weapons division.
From the Archives: Dr. Frankenstein says Monstrosity will be solved on a “State and Local Level”
Dr. Frankenstein has worked tirelessly for the past year containing the Monster, pushing the German population to observe distancing of 60 meters from the Monster at all times.
Ask Flippy: Do You Think my Bitmoji is Hotter than Me? I Feel Like my Bitmoji is Hotter than Me. Ok, Fuck-Marry-Kill, ready? Me, my Bitmoji, and Jake from Subway Surfers.
As someone whose celebrity crush is Flynn Rider—in his animated form, not like a human-version—I can kind of understand the Bitmoji appeal. But I can’t handle that little bitch being hotter than me, so I need your input.
From the Daily: News News News, News News News. We Write News! This is a Headline!
Whenever I see an email from the university, I think about it. Then I decide that I have to do something about it, and that the support of 70 of my peers out of thousands will be a large enough group to bring about change or adequate resistance
Op-Ed: I put on Beats headphones to walk across campus and now I’m trapped in a commercial where the sidewalks rotate in tempo with my music
The steps of Harris Hall sliced apart like dominoes and did the wave.
New Survey Finds Curling to be Best Olympic Sport to have Sex to
There’s just something about those rocks that gets my mind thinking and my body moving
Girl Promised “Hamptons Vacation” Shocked When Sugar Daddy’s Prius Pulls Into Hampton Inn Chicago/North Shore
When the car showed up, it was just his son dropping off the Prius after tennis practice – and I started to get really worried.
Insecure Cold Boyfriend to Purchase “Longer Johns”
“It’s like long johns, but longer”