Professor’s Shirt Oddly Wet, Refuses to Address It
Even after the mysterious liquid started to drip onto Ockwerd’s Original Macbook Pro, he made no mention of the trail of sludge coating his “Right Twice a Day” handouts.
Category Archives: Articles
Dining Hall Sign Worryingly Deems Bananas Are “Now Spider-Free”
“So what, they were giving us fucking spider-filled bananas this whole time and they’re just NOW telling us? I’m disgusted.”
Compass Group Offers NU Dining Union Print-outs of NU Flipside Articles as Health Plan
Unfortunately, the articles were so life-threateningly unfunny, they are thought to have been able to transmit dysentery.
After Substantial Anonymous Donation, All NU Students Must Change Own Names to “Ryan”
“Not only will every student, professor and administrator be required to change their first and last names to ‘Ryan,’ this is now Ryan University, in Ryan, Illinois, and we only have one major – Ryan.”
Tragic! Sophomore Forgets Classes Are in Person, Whips Out Dick in Discussion.
We were going over Come Slowly – Eden by Dickinson, when suddenly Richard pulled it out and came fast
Ask Flippy: Why the Fuck Do the NAVICA People Ask if I’ve Taken the Test Before and Then Recite the Directions to Me Again? We Both Know That I Know Asshole
The other day, I went to get my second semiweekly rapid test, expecting the interaction to be the same as usual: walk in, show my silly little apps to the workers, and engage in the voyeuristic practice of having a mid-twenties man make fierce eye contact while I twirl a silly little q-tip in my nose. But all of a sudden, it’s gotten so much worse!
Disturbing New Study Shows Placing Head Inside Running Microwave Oven May Be Linked to Cancer
Putting one’s head inside a running microwave could allegedly, maybe, possibly cause cancer.
“Sussy” And 50 Other Words I’d Rather Die Than Hear Alvin of Alvin and the Chipmunks Say
“Uwu”
Close Call! North Campus Resident Narrowly Escapes Willard Party Before Hearing a Single Showtune
Chase’s “bro” and unofficial domestic partner Frad added, “And the only ‘hol they even had was Manischewitz. If I wanted to get slightly tipsy and puke up grape juice I woulda just gone to my sister’s bat Mitzvah this weekend like I was supposed to.”
“Actually, War Crimes Require a Formal Declaration of War. What We do Are Just Run-of-the-Mill Human Rights Violations” Says Department of Defense
“Semantically speaking, war crimes requires a war, and we have not formally declared war since the 1940s.”