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Category Archives: Articles
Ask Flippy: The Walmarts Iâm Buying Keep Mysteriously Burning Down, How Do I Get a Property Loan?
They say that if you give a man a fish, heâll eat for a day, but if you purchase a local Walmart franchise you effectively own all the fish within a two-mile radius.
Scarlett Johansson Becomes First Asian Woman To Be Nominated For Two Academy Awards
âWell, Iâll simply take every role that comes my way. As a proud member of a minority group, I feel like itâs my duty to act in as many movies as I can. That way, even if I end up being the only Asian actress in Hollywood, the rest of my people can feel represented by me.”
College Students Replace Coming Out with Declaring Gender & Sexuality Studies Major
âOriginally I was undecided,â claimed Cohen, âbut after my parents thought that I meant âhappyâ when I told them I was gay, I knew that I needed to take drastic measures to communicate my sexuality. So I charged my US Gay & Lesbian History textbooks to my familyâs Amazon account.â
Morty Exits Debt Negotiation Meeting With Bloody Bat, Says He Handled It
Itâs no secret to NU students that the school has problems managing money, from administration blowing millions on football games to continuing to fund the theater program. However, recent statements out of the office of the president indicate that these troubles may be over. When Morty Schapiro went into a budget meeting with several of the financial experts in charge of the universityâs endowment with one of those bats with nails in it, reporters were unsure of the outcome. However
Breaking: That Guy in Your Class Finally Trimmed His Coke Nail
Even the professor seemed impressed when he briefly stopped his teaching halfway through class. âI am so proud ofâŠCole?… for finally trimming his nails,â said Professor Gill, âI know that this journey has been a long one – even longer than his nail was.â
Area Woman Seeking Boyfriend to Split Rent of Nice Studio in the City
âBasically, my standards are that I donât want someone who has a criminal record,â Seymour said, âActually⊠if heâs willing to cover electric, I wouldnât mind a few class-3 misdemeanors.â
Ask Flippy: Ever Since I Fucked Your Husband Youâve Been Treating Me Like a Completely Different Person. What Gives?
Next time you get a friendâs husband to cheat on her with you, perhaps try not writing about âSteveâs mind-blowing oralâ on your sexual health blog.
Campus Police Record All-Time High Violations of Girl Code During Rush Week
Campus police report that girl code infractions have spiraled beyond the brave forcesâ physical and emotional capabilities.
Tom Steyer Agrees His Children Do Not Deserve Free College, Love and Affection, Food
“He touted how he has not put a single penny toward his childrenâs health and well-being, including not paying for vaccinations or shoes.