“Anyone throwing tonight?” asks real student, not Evanston police officer
As is known nationwide, Northwestern is famous for its lively and off-the-rails party scene.
Tag Archives: Police
From the Archives: From the Future: From the Archives: From the Future: Local Man Stuck in Time Loop
For example, eyewitnesses to the events at the police station have corroborated his testimony that several police officers woulddid indeed pull their service weapons when, as Oxlong predicted, after he threatened to blow up the building.
Person Who Says They âdonât care if youâre black, white, red, green, etcâ Actually Doesnât Really Like Blue People
When asked what the origins of her prejudice were, Smith said sheâs always thought this way but did let slip that her mother ran away to be a groupie of the Blue Man Group when she was 13 years-old.
Yoda Prime Suspect in âTo Be White Okay It Isâ Sticker Controversy
âFree speech white college kids may strive for, but much larger problems there are for us green-folk. Yes, hrmmmm.â
Northwestern Student Arrested After Unlawfully Removing Fruit from Dining Hall
âLet this be a warning to all other lawless individuals looking to steal fruit from our dining halls,â Ellis continued. âYou have nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. We will find you, and we will stop you.â
Evanston Police Use Yik Yak to Solve Bike Theft
âWhen I was checking the app on my lunch break, I noticed Dobyâs yak had received so many upvotes in so little time. This meant it was serious, so I put my top investigator on the case right away,â Eddington said.
Freshman’s Room Robbed by New Friends
Before leaving, she informed her floormates that her door was unlocked so they were welcome to go in and get some of her momâs âfamous peanut butter cookies.â
[Small Town Issue] Titonka Police Blotter
The Titonka Fire Dept. was called to George, 64, and Helen, 62, Reynolds’ home late Saturday evening to extinguish a small fire in the coupleâs backyard. The fire is thought to have been set by misguided youths.
Cop Gets Denied at the Door of Tappa Tappa Keg
EVANSTON — Police officer Bob Hankervich went to the frat quad this previous Saturday night to investigate reports of underage drinking. As he walked up the stairs to the frat in question, Tappa Tappa Keg junior George Kerry got ready to deny another dweeb. The cop approached Kerry assuming he would step aside, but instead he stood firmly in front of the door and offered a “what’s up bro?” with an introductory head nod. According to Northwestern Police records, Hankervich
LAPD Opens Fire on Pot Roast Mistaken for Chris Dornerâs Charred Corpse
LOS ANGELES, CA — Following a sprawling, state-wide search for former policeman and army reservist Christopher Dorner (in which the alleged killer is believed to have perished in a cabin fire) anxious LAPD officers opened fire on a pot roast in a butcherâs display window that officers mistook for the former suspect. Despite firing over 50 shells at the pre-cooked beef dish, officers did not manage to hit their target once, instead injuring 10 customers deeper within the shop. Thankfully,