Campus Police Record All-Time High Violations of Girl Code During Rush Week
Campus police report that girl code infractions have spiraled beyond the brave forcesā physical and emotional capabilities.
Tag Archives: Rush
Sorority Freshman Excited to Learn New Best Friendās Last Name
āBefore I just knew her as āJessica-with-blonde-highlights-from-that-house-with-pink-curtains,ā not to be confused with āJessica-with-blonde-highlights-from-the-house-kinda-near-Willard.ā”
Screeching Harpies Drag Sorority Rushees Back to Lair
āTHE UNANOINTED SHALL BE BROUGHT FORTH UNTO US FOR JUDGEMENT. THEIR TORMENT IN LIMBO WILL SEE THEM REWARDED SO SAYETH ASMODEUS, RUSH CHAIR.ā
Sororities to Include Weigh-In as Part of Preview
āThe subjectivity of the selection process as it exists today endorses the objectification of women. Weigh-ins will help give us a more objective way of judging recruits, hopefully leveling the playing field.”
Flipside Leaks Flipside Pledge Classes
After an intense Yik Yak fight with the cross-recruiting bastards at Sherman Ave, the bid lists for Flipside fraternity Tappa Tappa Keg and corresponding sorority Delta Delta Delta Delta were leaked today.
The Unauthorized Diary of a Freshman Girl in: Sorority Rush
Diary, please donāt judge me. Iām just soooo frakin nervous! Like, what if they donāt like the color of my hair, or the style of my clothesā¦ Or the fact that my left boob is 3x bigger than my right boob!
Rushing Freshman Judged For Eating Carrot Stick During 7 Hour Sorority Interview
If she had eaten one more, she would have been thrown out in her underwear.
New Pledges Excited to Begin Process of Labor, Peer Pressure, and Borderline Torture
“Man, I can’t wait to start,” said SESP freshman Max Janson. “Waiting on bended knee to serve the brothers I barely knowāthat’s what this is all about.”
Whatever, Freshman Didnāt Want to Be a Part of Your Stupid Little Man-Club Anyway
After a week of rushing campus fraternity Beta Beta Beta without receiving a bid, area freshman Brandon Bottomsworth reportedly couldnāt care less that he wasnāt accepted into the group, because BBB is a bunch of big meanie-jerks who donāt know a quality candidate when they see one, those poopy doopy poop-heads.
2013 Sorority Recruitment to be Run by USSR
EVANSTON — Freshmen girls were stunned when sorority Preview Day turned into something resembling a scene from 1984. Freshman Stephanie Feldman āhadā¦ no idea thatā¦ the USSR had infiltrated partsā¦ of American culture,ā pausing a few times to look over her shoulder for undercover sorority members. Feldman later tried to complain to her friends about the rigid and ridiculous nature of the event, but she was snatched away by mysterious women in black ski masks before her sentence could be