“Fuck it, I guess my name is Seth now.”
Category Archives: Local
“A glossy poster of the $110 million renovated arena makes my chronic cough entirely worth it,” said Bobb resident Jason McKeen.
“Before I just knew her as ‘Jessica-with-blonde-highlights-from-that-house-with-pink-curtains,’ not to be confused with ‘Jessica-with-blonde-highlights-from-the-house-kinda-near-Willard.’”
Norbucks was awash with shock and disgust this week as local dickhead, Derek Havey, touched himself to the image of his overly-colorful and very crowded Google Calendar.
“I give them bonus points if I can see both where the Uber picks them up and drops them off from one spot.”
“Look, how can you expect me to know the difference between a Juul and a Zuul? I’m a legacy, I never learned to spell.”
Floridian and Californian students are warned to be wary of who they complain around, lest a Midwestern student overhears and feels the need to correct their ignorance.
“I understand that boys will be boys, but nobody should have to endure the agony of a student a cappella show.”
“I don’t understand how 8,000 undergrads can look at me and only see my ten-billion dollar endowment and multi-million annual salary. I’m, like, a really good listener!”
“Mom made the cranberry pie almost as well as Grandma used to, so by next year it won’t even be noticeable.”