College Republicans Hastily Cancel Plans to Invite Milo Yiannopoulos
“We would never have invited someone so intentionally divisive, with such regressive views on protecting children from sexual assault.”
Category Archives: Archives
Zootopia Oscar Nomination Gives Hope to Disenfranchised Furries
“We look at Judy Hopps as a role model for a new generation of furries” said a long-practicing furry who only referred to himself as his fursona “PrideBunny.”
English Student Supports STEM But Only By Retweeting @RogueNASA
In lieu of her inability to really understand science, Owens has decided to show she cares by retweeting snippets about important scientific advancements and discoveries from the recently created Rouge NASA.
Go-Getter Applies to Two Internships
According to witnesses, Johnny opened up his laptop’s documents folder to find the resume he had used to apply to work at as a grocery store stock boy five years prior.
Area Boyfriend Watches The Notebook to Get Head
“How did he get such a good idea? If I ever get a girlfriend, I know what movie I’ll watch.”
Off-campus Student Considers Cleaning Fridge
“Thinking of cleaning out the old fridge,” Orozco said in a 3:21 a.m. tweet. “Want to wait until the time is right, though.”
Morty Down to Three Juice Boxes a Day
Many sources have speculated that this development will surely be good for Northwestern morale.
Melania Concerned with How to Represent a Country She Isn’t From
“When I married Donald, I thought I would be able to live the pampered life of an Eastern-European trophy wife.”
NASCAR Celebrates First Openly Liberal Driver
Tandel Jr. drives the first Smart Car to be rigged up with an 850 horsepower engine.
Girlfriend Prepares for 30 Solid Seconds of Action
“I’ll try to cut down the foreplay to the first two seconds so we can get right into the action.”