Ask Flippy: Did I Get a Registration Hold Because I Didn’t Wish Morty a Happy Halloween?
You fucked up. You really fucked up.
Category Archives: Featured
New study by Nestle-Kroger-Mills-Kraft-Heinz conglomerate finds shoveling sugar into mouth at relentless pace actually good for you
The research, fondly dubbed the “Sweet Saccharin Study” undoes decades of anti-dextrose discourse. Doctors everywhere are reading the Sweet Saccharin Study with bewilderment, quitting their jobs, and wondering how they got it so wrong.
Op-Ed: I can’t rewatch Pitch Perfect anymore without envisioning the Barden Bellas being that one a cappella group echoing into the night from Kresge
The scene where the new a cappella recruits dance in the amphitheater is replaced by visions of upperclassmen belting off-key by the Willard piano. The Riff-Off just makes me think of prime time at Norbucks.
8 Neutral Things to Say Around Your Significant Other’s Conservative Parents That Will Still Get You Invited on the Yacht
“Poor people should get money…………………………… if they earn it.”
Ask Flippy: Is Kidnapping and Arson Going Too Far for a Guaranteed Win at Bob’s Trivia?
“You and all our readers know that I take a particularly hard stance on crime — more specifically, that it’s often the best way to make some good of a bad situation!”
Op Ed: I Wouldn’t Say NUDM is a Pyramid Scheme, I Would Call it More of a Multi-Level Marketing Conglomerate
“I really don’t know the differences between a pyramid scheme and multi-level marketing. I’m not like you ivory-tower econ bros, who only fantasize about the supply-and-demand curves.”
Slutty Ibuprofen Bottle Must Have Been Passed Around The Whole Third Floor Of Bobb By Now
The bottle had never tried anything like this before college, it said.
Paramedics Rush Ryan Field Following Concussion, Put in Time-Out for Interrupting Football Game
“Makes me sick that they think the quality of that boy’s skull is more important than football”
Uh-Oh! Student Unable to Read Canvas ‘Bones Day’ Announcement Through Stream of Tears
… and an email informing her that the math department had no choice but to fail her for all current and future classes.
From The Archives: Doth She Yearn for Me or Merely Desire Mine Livestock?
Hear me, readers and friends, and hear me well! I have found, through multitudinous encounters and experiences, that women aplenty — particularly those born after the year 1666 — know to do little more than consume stew, water thine horses, and blaspheme!