In response to Northwestern’s historically low acceptance rate this year, the administration has taken drastic measures regarding how they will hand out the coveted, and now very minimal, class of 2026 spots to those on the waitlist.
Weinberg senior Julia Zorn, Huff’s tour guide, was so distracted she only reminded her group that Northwestern is a “world-class institution” eight times instead of the required nine.
1. Northwestern University’s undergraduate campus isn’t in Chicago; it’s in Evanston. Mixing this up will send a message that you haven’t done enough research. Stay away from referencing the city of Chicago, and instead reference beloved Evanston institutions like The Keg or Mayor Tisdahl.
The offer comes with a full-ride scholarship to Northwestern University, which is projected to charge tuition of over $200,000 a year by the time of West’s possible matriculation in 2031.
EVANSTON — Northwestern students and faculty received an emergency campus alert Tuesday from President Schapiro that stated, “As of November 1, 2012, students will no longer be permitted to wear college sweatshirts or any other apparel that displays the name of any school in the top 50 of US News & World Report’s annual college rankings, excluding Northwestern.” General student sentiment indicates a clear divide between former early decision and regular decision applicants. “ZOMG, Morty is actually a god. Like, finally
EVANSTON, IL – The Office of Undergraduate Admissions was excited to report Tuesday that the Class of 2016, whose newest members were notified of their admission the preceding weekend, will be the university’s most diverse in over 25 years. When asked to elaborate on the precise nature of this notably vague “diversity” which characterizes the incoming freshmen, Vice-President of University Relations Alan K. Cubbage explained that this year the Admissions Committee opted for a new approach in the application evaluation process
In the never-ending quest for more diversity, Northwestern has finally won. Pop open the Champaign, sake, unfiltered water—whatever your culture does. It’s time to fucking celebrate. Listen to this class breakdown and try not to be over-fucking-whelmed by the diversity rainbow. 30 percent Native American, 25 percent African American, 15 percent Asian, 10 percent from countries that haven’t even formed yet. … Let me pause to give you a second to clean off whatever you just jizzed onto your screen…
By no means can a Class of 2016 be allowed to apply, or we’re all fucked.