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Norris Officials Urge NHL to Further Delay Season for “Ice Maintenance”

January 24, 2013 Matt Clarkston Leave a comment

EVANSTON — After opening the lockout-shortened NHL season with the first set of games on Saturday, officials from the Norris University Center have sent an urgent plea to NHL commissioner Gary Bettman to cancel more games, citing the need for “ice maintenance.” Norris issued a press release that stated, “Our ice-readiness experts have spent years studying the advanced science of what is frozen water and what is not. It is their belief from viewing the NHL’s Saturday games that these

Norris Celebrates Forty Years, Definitely Not Jealous of Hypothetical Younger Student Center

January 23, 2013 Allison Ortega Leave a comment

EVANSTON — This year marks the 40th anniversary of Norris Student Center at Northwestern University. Though Norris is the undeniable hub for student activity on campus, talk of constructing a younger and more beautiful student center in a more central location has been gaining steam for the past few years. Even though these rumors reached Norris well before the 40th birthday celebration on January 15, staff members were still able to put on a brave face, saying, “A lot of

Infographic: “How is Norris Celebrating Its 40th Birthday?”

January 21, 2013 Andrew Schneider Leave a comment

[NU Spork] Six Students Try Frontera Fresco, ASG to Use 10K Initiative to Bring Chipotle

December 5, 2012 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

EVANSTON — After nearly four months of construction, Frontera Fresco, the newest addition to the epicurial cornucopia of dining options at Northwestern University’s Norris University Center, opened on Friday, November 30th. While the eatery’s nearly mythically slow completion led many students to believe it was managed by whoever put that equally mythical Einstein’s in (Tech? Pancoe? Is it even real?), it is, in fact, owned by Chicago chef and restaurateur Rick Bayless, who says he hopes to bring more upscale

[NU Spork] Norbucks’ Barista Training Faces Criticism

December 2, 2012 Caroline Picard Leave a comment

EVANSTON — The Starbucks in Norris Student Center, popularly known as “Norbucks,” recently announced it is now hiring new baristas; the training program is slated to last from now until forever. In efforts to employ more students, Norbucks will continue to hire inexperienced applicants and provide them with valuable job skills such as defrosting pound cake and differentiating between tall and small. The program is under criticism from various sororities, such as Quad-Delt, whose chapter president said Norbucks’ poor customer

Norris Staff Sick and Tired of Finding New Frames for Big Ten Room

November 20, 2012 Brian Lee Leave a comment

EVANSTON — As the Big Ten Conference welcomed University of Maryland as its thirteenth member, members of Norris staff were heard complaining about the consequential decoration updates to the Big Ten Room. The meeting space, located on the first floor of Norris Student Center, features stunning views of Lake Michigan and walls decorated with picture frames of memorabilia from Big Ten member schools. Most recently, a framed poster of University of Nebraska was added when the school joined the conference

Romney Appeals to Undecided NU Voters by Promising to Open Frontera Fresco Before the Election

November 3, 2012 Sam Block Leave a comment

EVANSTON — With only days remaining until the election, presidential hopeful Mitt Romney stood outside Norris University Center and promised Northwestern students he would ensure Frontera Fresco opened before Election Day. “I’m a businessman,” Romney said. “I know how create jobs in this country and I’ll do it here, with Frontera Fresco.” “Construction jobs,” he added. “Do those count as manufacturing?” Explaining the delays in construction, Sodexo claimed they had not realized students would be returning to school as early

Norris to Replace Departed Vendors with Three Subways and a Potbelly

September 12, 2012 Andrew Schneider Leave a comment

Northwestern Accepts all 30,000 Applicants, Awards No Aid to Increase Budget

January 17, 2011 Brian Earl Leave a comment

EVANSTON – President Morton Schapiro announced Wednesday that the Admissions Office will not be printing out any rejection letters this year. Schapiro stated that the purpose of this decision was to “allow the benefits of Northwestern to reach as many students as possible.” His eyes then shiftily darted left-to-right several times, and numerous audience members swore that Schapiro said “Cha-ching!” Schapiro’s remarks were made in a joint press conference with University Director of Financial Aid, Carolyn Lindley. Lindley stated that

Poster Sale Actually Cover-Up for More Construction at Norris

October 12, 2010 Jared Tyler Leave a comment

EVANSTON—This past week’s poster sale at the Norris Center provided the university with a way to mask additional construction in the Wildcat Room. The cover-up was discovered when freshman Robert Zucker attempted to remove a poster from the display wall. “I was just trying to get that Star Wars poster,” claims Zucker, “but when I did, there was an orange construction fence behind it.” When Zucker revealed the construction fence, a Norris security team appeared out of nowhere and swarmed