Premed student Charlie Nigam, WCAS ’20, was delighted and confused by a surprise phone call from Pat Fitzgerald, in which the head football coach told him the secret to passing his upcoming chemistry midterm was to wrap up and remember the fundamentals.
Author Archives: Arnold Johnsen
“I just don’t feel at home here. I miss Bowling Green. I know college is supposed to be about getting out of your comfort zone, but I wish I could go back to the nice southern topsoil I’m used to.”
“He just kept saying ‘the p-value is above 5%, we just don’t have enough evidence to reject the null.’”
A formal report filed by an anonymous whistleblower to the ASG Election Commission alleges that Jason Guo, Junior Undersecretary to the Vice Admiral of Academics, delivered an Edzo’s double-griddle burger and strawberry milkshake to Patterson and never received reimbursement.
“You see, if you draw this line here, and this line here, and then you move the point of intersection…” Rossi said, explaining why the man’s situation was a predictable result of the supply and demand graphs for labor.
“He ripped off factors, canceled like terms in his numerator and denominator … and let me say, his denominator was not bad at all.”
“We tried, we really did,” said BLAST president Anita Quizphe, WCAS ‘18.
“They were so efficient, the little rascals! They picked everything up, just like a person! But with the tiniest hands…!”
In a maneuver described by neutral observers as “masterful” and “ultra-smooth,” SESP freshman Jacob Banbury expertly slid the words “my girlfriend” into a quick anecdote he told his friends over lunch in Norris earlier today. “It was sublime,” said one of those friends, Landon Trent, WCAS ’20. “He wasn’t, like, making a big deal out of it. He just nonchalantly dropped in the fact that he’s getting some while telling an unrelated story about what he gets on his Subway
The instigator of Enright’s ire was a platter of carrot muffins in the dining hall’s vegan section.