“Man, I could’ve sworn ten-time Grammy award-winning singer/songwriter Taylor Swift was actually an Evanston-based Burger King making $8,000 a week.”
Author Archives: Billy O'Handley
When asked what he meant by this, Mr. Barr wasted no time responding, saying “mmmmmm those dirty, dirty Democrats want that juicy Mueller report.
While Jesus was unavailable for comment, as he has been for the past two millennia, Pope Francis released a statement on his behalf.
“I’m pretty sure this is open and shut. If you need me, I’ll be singing along to my homie Jay-Z.”
“Blimey mate! You should’ve seen the look on those copper’s mugs when they budged up to my ID only to see that I’m bloody British. They were positively gobsmacked, I tell you!”
“I got them all, folks,” the actual president said to raucous cheers from his unpaid Secret Service guards.
“Fuck it, I guess my name is Seth now.”
“I understand that boys will be boys, but nobody should have to endure the agony of a student a cappella show.”
Detective Pikachu Movie Canceled After Pikachu’s Interrogation Tactics Found to Violate Geneva Conventions
“Mr. Pikachu is quite open about using his electrical powers on even innocent Squirtles. He’s a maniac.”
Sadly, Mr. Von Count was not able to meet with election board officials before the races were officially called.