“Too long hath these Pfizer and Moderna knaves parried with the virus. They flash thine fancy swords and dance around in thine gilded boots, but those swine’s art COWARDS. Sir Johnson shall end it all in a single blow!”
Speaking of safety, these active couples aren’t putting it first. But are we really surprised that they’re avoiding protection when they already have a hard time keeping their masks above their noses? Let’s cut them some slack. After all, it’s just not the same with a mask on.
“Picture this fever-inducing, body-aching, taste-and-smell-removing scenario in your head, and let me know what you think.”
Good news! This week, MTV launches a reality series following Kanye West’s therapist, giving fans a sigh of relief after despair following the Kimye divorce announcement. The show, aptly named “Shrink Rap” follows West’s therapist Dr. Shakur, a man adamant that he is not in fact Tupac in hiding. As a longtime friend of Kanye West, or Kanye as he lets me call him, I was able to interview Dr. Shakur under one condition: Kanye would accompany me. The notes
Some have attempted to contact the professor through the Zoom chat in the vain hopes he knows what that is or how to check it—but, unfortunately for the students, the odds of this happening are slim to none.
Man Carrot comes equipped with several accessories, such as a gun, a bottle of Viagra, and a cigar. Most notable about this toy is the large, anatomically-correct penis attached to the six-inch tall figure, a detail that has not gone unnoticed by Fisher-Price’s critics.
“We are always looking for more ways to engage the student body in capitalist brainwashing.”
“It’s the art of movement, really,” said Professor Nana Splitt of the dance department, who will be co-teaching Interactive Epidemiology 101 with the biology department. “The dance of the virus from one to another. By mirroring the dance of the virus, our students will make peace with their own idiocy.”
The study, conducted amongst top-ten ranking schools in collaboration with the Collective of United Mansplainers (CUM), revealed interesting neurological and physiological responses triggered in the male brain.
“I’ve seen them with someone named NAVICA a lot recently, and I’m worried about our relationship,” said Color. “I heard she goes a lot deeper than me.”