8 Neutral Things to Say Around Your Significant Other’s Conservative Parents That Will Still Get You Invited on the Yacht
“Poor people should get money…………………………… if they earn it.”
Category Archives: Featured
Ask Flippy: Is Kidnapping and Arson Going Too Far for a Guaranteed Win at Bob’s Trivia?
“You and all our readers know that I take a particularly hard stance on crime — more specifically, that it’s often the best way to make some good of a bad situation!”
Op Ed: I Wouldn’t Say NUDM is a Pyramid Scheme, I Would Call it More of a Multi-Level Marketing Conglomerate
“I really don’t know the differences between a pyramid scheme and multi-level marketing. I’m not like you ivory-tower econ bros, who only fantasize about the supply-and-demand curves.”
Slutty Ibuprofen Bottle Must Have Been Passed Around The Whole Third Floor Of Bobb By Now
The bottle had never tried anything like this before college, it said.
Paramedics Rush Ryan Field Following Concussion, Put in Time-Out for Interrupting Football Game
“Makes me sick that they think the quality of that boy’s skull is more important than football”
Uh-Oh! Student Unable to Read Canvas ‘Bones Day’ Announcement Through Stream of Tears
… and an email informing her that the math department had no choice but to fail her for all current and future classes.
From The Archives: Doth She Yearn for Me or Merely Desire Mine Livestock?
Hear me, readers and friends, and hear me well! I have found, through multitudinous encounters and experiences, that women aplenty — particularly those born after the year 1666 — know to do little more than consume stew, water thine horses, and blaspheme!
Man in Shorts Seen Crawling to Class with Dignity in Shambles
Nathaniel Bittinger’s parents were killed by a pair of jeans.
From The Archives: An Op-ed: Why Do Our Croquet Players Get Donkeys To Ride Around Campus? They Are Dreadful!
They are a plague on this campus – the likes of which have never been and will never be seen again.
Groundhog Day to be replaced with Morty Day where he pokes his little head out of his house
“Plus, this really isn’t so different—Mr. Shapiro nibbles on sticks with the best of ‘em.”