Acapella vs. White Feminism: Which Is The Greatest Evil Of Our Time?
There’s no pentagram on the floor but the cult of acapella consumes public spaces… But life could be worse, right? You could be a white woman.
Category Archives: Latest News
BREAKING: Pete Davidson Now Dating God, States: “She’s Fine In Bed, I Guess”
When asked to comment, the stand-up comic maintained that a gentleman “never bangs our Lord and tells”.
“I’m Grateful All The Time, I’m Sexy and I’m Kind, I’m Pretty When I Cry” And Other Things Kevin McCarthy Wrote In His Diary While Crying
McCarthy confessed that he had been taking solace in his diary and had been writing the lyrics “I’m grateful all the time/ I’m sexy, and I’m kind/ I’m pretty when I cry.”
 Ask Flippy: Am I Gay Quiz?
I’m reaching out this week because I’ve had a concerning thought cross my mind: am I gay quiz?
After Success Of Barbenheimer, Studios Prepare For Next Creation: “Bratz-Jong Un”
“We have much more in store,” the studios commented, “including a limited-edition Kim Jong Un Bratz doll with matching missile accessories.”
NUFB Says Mayo Tub Fight Night “Not Hazing, Just Business”
Despite outcry from many current and former students, NUFB claims that its most recent scandal — Mayo Tub Fight Night — was “not hazing, just business”.
From The Future: University President Finally Emerges From Deep Freezer After Ill-Fated Chill With Schill Event
Schill rejoins a modern faculty comprised primarily of AI lecturers, sentient Lakefill geese and tenure-track professors kept alive on a combination of virgin blood and spite.
“I Pivoted”: The Moment Offset’s Dillo DJ Realized Northwestern Was A PWI
To save the day, he turned to one of his playlists titled “Tighty Whities,” a term he created to describe songs that white people, who still use the word “tight,” think are “tight.”
From the Future: Mandela Reagan Potter, You Were Named for Two of the Bravest Men I Ever Knew
Named for Nelson Mandela, who helped lead the anti-apartheid movement in South Africa and worked fervently towards equality; and for Ronald Reagan, who ensured that my father’s generational wealth would stay where it belonged — in the family — rather than going to the dirty poors
“This Is My Dream School It’s Sooo Beautiful Here,” Class Of ’27 Commit Posts On Snapchat After Taking Picture Of A Particularly Nice Path
“This is my dream school it’s sooo beautiful here,” incoming Weinberg freshman Meadow Deering posted to her Snapchat, accompanied by a photo of a particularly nice path next to Norris.