Paramedics Rush Ryan Field Following Concussion, Put in Time-Out for Interrupting Football Game
âMakes me sick that they think the quality of that boyâs skull is more important than footballâ
Category Archives: Local
Uh-Oh! Student Unable to Read Canvas ‘Bones Day’ Announcement Through Stream of Tears
… and an email informing her that the math department had no choice but to fail her for all current and future classes.
Man in Shorts Seen Crawling to Class with Dignity in Shambles
Nathaniel Bittingerâs parents were killed by a pair of jeans.
From The Archives: An Op-ed: Why Do Our Croquet Players Get Donkeys To Ride Around Campus? They Are Dreadful!
They are a plague on this campus – the likes of which have never been and will never be seen again.
Groundhog Day to be replaced with Morty Day where he pokes his little head out of his house
âPlus, this really isnât so differentâMr. Shapiro nibbles on sticks with the best of âem.â
COVID test burglary results in one swab for everyone to share
In the aftermath of the theft, the one swab, dubbed âOle Faithfulâ, could be found lying underneath the ransacked shelves of its fallen brethren.
Local Mobster Can’t Believe You’re Asking Him If He Stole 4,500 COVID Tests On The Day of His Daughter’s Wedding
âAuthority. Betrayal. And super-spreader events.â
Ask Flippy: What if President Blank’s Lawn isn’t Large Enough to Protest On? What if Her Windows Shut and Her Doors Lock??
Plus, old white people love their lawns, and Iâve heard that garden gnomes make for great projectiles.
Local South Campus Manâs Legs Too Thin, Gangly to Walk All the Way to Tech
Passersby described him as âpathetic,â and having âlimbs that look like a strong breeze could either break them or just blow them off altogether.â
Ask Flippy: My Boyfriend Wonât Stop Screaming U Rah Rah! During Sex, How Do I Make It Stop?
“At first, I didnât mind, since Iâm tremendously committed to school spirit.”