Freshman Praying Willie the Wildcat Doesn’t Awaken Anything In Them
“I hate the Kansas State fans. They think their Willie is so great, but he doesn’t even have fur.” He then added, “but I’m not a furry.”
Category Archives: Articles
Op-Ed: I thought Getting Laid would Solve all my Problems, and it did.
I was lazy, listless, and broken inside, but ever since our night (or really evening) of passion, my life has totally turned around. I got into not one, but two improv groups on campus.
Conversions to Judaism spike as Allison Kosher section rises in popularity
Foods deemed Kosher are prepared in accordance with Jewish law. Notable Kosher foods include locusts and human hair.
Op-Ed: No, Josh, I don’t have less friends because I’m a grammar geek…I have fewer friends
Josh, being a grammar geek doesn’t mean I have less friends. It means I have fewer friends.
Freshmen From the South Feel That They’re Handling the Current Cold Temperatures Well
“I don’t even own a pair of pants, unless my silk romper counts. But, once I get cold, I can’t even feel my legs or arms anymore so it’s not too big of a deal.”
Margot Lee Shetterly Cancels Campus Visit After Admitting She Didn’t Read Hidden Figures
“I didn’t know if I was really supposed to read it or not.” Shetterly said. “But then I started getting more and more emails about it towards the end of the summer and I kinda freaked out, so I decided to just not read it. Also, since when are books like 200 pages?”
Op-Ed: What I Learned by Eating at Arby’s Every Day of Summer Until They Offered Me a Job
Before you go off and apply to internships and jobs for next summer, take a look at what I’ve learned these past few months.
In an Effort to Reduce Plastic, Fraternity Opts for BODY SHOTS!!!
“Brett Green first came up with the idea for the resolution while slurping up some Fireball from the navel of girl known only to him as “the Other Sarah.”Â
Freshman gets List-served by Accidental Mass Response to Listserv E-mail
The email, which included no capitalization, read as follows: “where is kresge? also, do i need where business casual?”
Morty Opens up “US News and World Report College Rankings” in Incognito Tab
Morty has seemingly become obsessed in the days since with ensuring NU continues to move up the rankings and has covered the walls of his room with charts, graphs, and… other things, trying to, umm, “analyze” what allowed us to move up.