From the Archives–Op-Ed: Charlie Chaplin should Stick to Silent Movies, Keep his Political Views out of Talkies
This film is his first ātalkieā and boy does he talkie a lot.
Category Archives: Articles
Scandal Breaks as The Rock Is Discovered To Be A Legacy Student
āThat chunk of sandstone had some powerful friends. Thereās no harm in me meeting with an applicant personally, sharing intimate secrets, exchanging phone numbers, and making secret handshakes. It gives the student no advantages whatsoever.ā
Op-Ed: I’m Finally A ComEd Customer and Now They’re Gone
In all honesty, I donāt know what ComEd is. I think itās something to do with carpentry.
Wisconsin Dairy Farmers Angered by Trump Administration Support of Turkey, Abandonment of Curds as Favored Protein Source
Already, many curd groups are striking deals with the Russian and Syrian governments to remain competitive, receiving aid in the form of milk pasteurizers and arms shipments.
Plex Out of Dinnerware Again, Encourages Students to Eat on Floor With Their Hands
Blood mixed with yogurt as students clawed and growled at each other over the food Plex employees were dumping directly onto the tile.
“If you can read, you can do research” Posters Around Campus Discriminate Against Illiterates
You know, I can sound out words ācause of English 105, but for some NU students, this poster is like a punch in the balls. Itās not a PC at all, bra.
Pessimistic Student Will Just Occasionally Yell āSafety Schoolā At Visiting Ohio State
With the mighty Ohio State Buckeyes set to visit Northwestern on Friday evening, many students found themselves pessimistic, and in some cases completely resigned to defeat. But for one Medill sophomore, pessimism wasnāt a barrier to doing what she loves: putting down her opponentās intellect. āI know our odds donāt look too great,ā slurred Northwestern University sophomore Joanna Booth, in line outside of the student entrance at Ryan Field. āBut thereās always a solution that makes us look really, really
Students Rejoice! Morty Announces Lakefill 2, Which Finally Connects Us Directly to Gary, Indiana
At long last, once the new Lakefill is constructed, students will be able to easily access Gary, Indiana for a long-overdue new college town experience.
Forgotten Freshman Survives on Allison Dining Hall Second Floor by Eating Class of ā23 Shirt
Police investigators breathed a sigh of relief last Tuesday after discovering Beinen freshman James Chavez in the second floor loft area of Allison dining hall, surrounded by scraps of the purple Class of 2023 shirt that he had consumed in order to stay alive. āWe found the student heaped in the corner shirtless, experiencing extreme indigestion from eating his clothing,ā said Special Investigator Linda Forsythe, who headed the search team that was formed after Chavezās Peer Advisor Ryan DeShields noted
Off-Campus Student Wonders if 10pm SafeRide Will Get Her to 8 am Class on Time
āUsually if I request my SafeRide at 10pm then it will get to my apartment by 7:55am and I can get to class only ten minutes late.ā